In a hospital bed, surrounded by machines that beep and hiss, pump and pull, add fluids and flush them away, a warrior woman lies as she sets moment to moment intention to remain on this side of the veil. Diagnosed with cancer, her world which once included travel, military service, creative endeavors, a business, education and parenting has been reduced (for the moment) to a small room into which people come to visit, sit a’spell, talk, offer prayers, energy healing, candy (and possibly some healthier alternatives), hugs and love. Her sense of humor remains intact and she sometimes warns staff when a meltdown might take place, given the cocktail of meds that are floating through her system.
Today was such a time. as she expressed to her friends on Facebook:
“Some days are harder than others.
Today I wanted to cry. Not because I am weak and not because I’m quitting. But because they brought the wrong jam with my toast.
“I can handle Chemo… Radiation which burnt the heck out of my nose today… I can handle interferon.
But the wrong jam???? How hard is this…bring me the right jam!!!! My life hangs in the balance here and I have the wrong jam. If I die … It’s their fault. I will die of jam failure.” Excerpt from G’s morning meltdown.”
Sometimes it’s the big things that knock us on our butts….stuff like serious or chronic illness, death of those we hold dear and cherished visions that don’t come true according to our plans, relationships that shift, accidents, injuries, financial challenges and other disappointments that threaten to sink our ship of dreams.
When those events show up, the little things like the bolt falling off the lawn mower in the middle of mowing the lawn and you have to hold the handle on, since you can’t find it, realizing that you have run out of drain cleaner when the bath tub backs up, or when car maintenance costs a bit more than anticipated, or like not having the grape jam you wanted to glaze your toast while you find pleasure in the midst of pain, can feel like big things.
What turns it around for me (the first three things happened in my life recently…first world problems all) is realizing that in the midst of them, I have a whole bunch of Just Amazing Moments.
- A new editing job working on a romance novel
- Speaking to a group of women last night about the concept of Yoga Off the Mat in which we recognize that life is like a yoga practice
- Listening to music (Adele at the moment) while I am writing this
- Being able to work from home
- Laundry needing folding (yes, that too, since it means I have clean clothing, a washing machine and dryer and laundry detergent)
- A baby blessing ceremony to do this weekend
- Loving and wonderful family and friends
- A deep and profound spiritual connection
- More writing jobs pouring in
- Attracting more counseling and coaching clients
- Honing my intuitive abilities
- Noting miracles of all shapes and sizes
- Speaking with a dear friend on the phone in the ICU who is recovering after open heart surgery two weeks ago
- Planning my son’s wedding next year
- A successful workout at the gym, when I leave tired, but revitalized, realizing that a bit more than two years ago, I could only walk one step at a time without getting winded, post heart attack
- Being able to take a nap later today if need be, following gym time shortly
- Turning 58 in a few weeks with a life beyond what I imagined
I be jammin’
The next time I go to visit my friend, we can sing this song together. Oh, and I will remember the grape jam.
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