As I am writing this, I am nursing a painful bout of plantar fasciitis in my left foot. I’ve had it before over the years, but not as persistently. Working out and being on my feet a lot are two of the physical causes. I have been treating it with stretching, massage, and Reiki, as well as spending less time using the elliptical and treadmill and more time on the bicycle and weights at the gym. I have been rolling a bottle of ice water underneath it, got orthotics for my sneakers and have been taking Tylenol if needed.

I know that many physical conditions have emotional components. In Louise Hay’s book entitled You Can Heal Your Life, she highlights some of the root causes of bodily issues.

Feet: Represent our understanding – of ourselves, of life, of others. – Foot Problems: Fear of the future and of not stepping forward in life. (there was nothing specific for heels or plantar fasciitis).

These both resonated for me since even though I am confident most of the time and with hindsight, know that I have survived everything that has ever occurred in my life, so I know I will get through anything waiting in the future, there are times when I hold myself back. Sometimes these are internally motivated choices, born of uh oh, what if I fall or fail?  fears. There are other moments when impediments show up unexpectedly. Recently, as I have become more visible with my work and words, folks have made observations based on their own life experiences and world views that have seemed to run counter to my beliefs about myself and my work in the world. My initial reaction was one of protection and defensiveness since much of what I do and hold dear are central to my claimed identity.

These in-your-face experiences have me taking my own inventory and examining my intentions and actions and see if they are in alignment.

One of the ideals I live by is the Buddhist principle of the Three Gates: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? The first two are pretty easy for me to follow. The third, not so much. I consciously need to ask myself why I want to express certain things. Maybe it is because I can. Maybe because I ‘can’t NOT’ share. Perhaps it is to inform. Perhaps it is to justify, explain or just plain want to be right. The last one is not easy to admit.

That is my Achilles heel.  Remember the Greek tale about the son of  Thetis who took her son to the River Styx so he could be rendered invincible? She dipped him in the water, but his heel didn’t get submerged. In battle, an arrow struck him in that foot and he succumbed.  Mine was struck by the thoughts that I had stepped on toes and had said what I wanted to for all of the aforementioned reasons. It is also the desire to be viewed in a certain light. Most people in my life do see me as I want to be seen. A friend recently mentioned that those who question my words or actions are preparing me for greater visibility, since the greater the visibility, the more intense the scrutiny.

I admire the work of Brene’ Brown whose own willingness to bare her soul allows me to bare both my soul and soles.