A month or so ago, I began to notice a disturbing trend. My 60-year-old knees began to creak and groan, sometimes feeling as if they belonged to a marionette rather than a person; stiff and inflexible. Paradoxically, when I exercise on the various leg strengthening equipment at the gym, they fare just fine. No aches or pains, no moans or groans, not even the tiniest kvetches. It is when I stand up from my desk at work, climb out of bed, get out of the car, or the bathtub that they make their dissatisfaction known. Hard to imagine in my zoomier days that I would be called on to slow down dramatically.

Over the past few months, oh…who am I kidding…the past forever, I have had a difficult time asking to have my needs met, as I feared that I wouldn’t. If people offered and I was willing to be in receipt of their kindness I felt much more at ease than requesting. I don’t want to perceived as being needy. I know that having needs and being needy are two entirely different concepts. I teach this stuff, so it would be natural to imagine that it would come more easily. I am clear that I teach what I need to learn.

Back in April, I found myself in the hospital for a three-day stint, healing from pneumonia. I didn’t really want many visitors, preferring to sleep away the pain if I could. It was when I was discharged home with orders to rest and recuperate, have nebulizer treatments, take meds and not do a whole lot that I succumbed and allowed friends and family to come over with food, cheer-me-up gifts, offer healing energy treatments and even a recliner chair so I could sleep sitting up. It was a stretch to accept all that attention. Paradoxically, there were many times throughout my life that I craved center stage and spotlight. Not sure why I push attention away now.

More recently, I was in caregiving mode with a friend who passed from Cancer. I felt a pull to be ‘on’ and available to her as much as I could. There were times when I refrained from the rest I needed. My M.O. is often to do whatever it takes and then feel the delayed impact. I learned from a master. My mother was the rock of the family who, when I would ask how she was doing, would respond, “Hangin’ in there babe, hangin’ in there,” rather than being honest with her state of being. I used to tell her that rocks crumble, not heeding my own advice to allow others to pick up the slack.

On the day of Ondreah’s memorial service which I co-officiated with her family’s minister, I was rushing to get into the sanctuary and heard my right knee make a lovely crunching sound. The last time that happened was in 2013 and I ended up on crutches for several weeks. Not so this time, fortunately. I managed to remain vertical as best I could for the rest of the day. When I got home, the healing began. Ice, elevation. Reiki, rest (I stayed in bed for much of the next day.), homeopathic remedies and CBD ointment were my go-to’s. I used a hand-carved walking stick for balance. The next day, I got a knee brace to stabilize it. (pictured above) All of these were external responses to the injury. I recognize that there is also a psycho-spiritual component with the accompanying messages.

• Slow down, you move too fast
• Be flexible
• Be willing to move forward without hesitation
• Leaning on others doesn’t mean I am weak
• The planet isn’t going to stop spinning just because you take time off
• Listen to your body
• Trust yourself
• Ask to have your needs met without feeling needy
• A little support goes a long way