Mother’s Day is not easy for those whose moms didn’t “deliver,” or for those whose moms are dead. Here’s a user-generated article from Beliefnet.com’s Mother’s Day package, helpful to those feeling distanced from the upcoming commemoration on Sunday.

My own mother was wonderfully complicated. Sexy, funny, artistic…clank! Then unreasonable and remote. I had a dream about her once that really helps clarify my experience of being with her. (Dreams are such wonderful gifts, don’t you think?) In the dream, I’m a little girl again, standing near dark velvet curtains on the periphery of a Broadway-sized stage. My mother is under a spotlight, on her hands and knees, at center stage, frantically sanding the floor. She is working so hard. And when I timidly step out onto the stage, my mother turns and yells: “Get off! Get off the stage! Can’t you see I’m sanding it?”

Oh. Okay. There was no way to relieve her suffering, or share her space.

I think about this dream when I am compelled to empty the dishwasher instead of playing a board game with my kids. I know I can be guilty of the same sort of mom-ish “hey I’m busy here!” But I’m learning to hew less hard to this inherited character trait. Hard to do, but definitely possible.

Let’s not sand the stage, ladies, shall we? It’s a big stage and no one should sand it by themselves. Or sand it at all. Ever again.