Britney, get into a rehabilitation program you can stick with! Read the “promises” of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous (from pages 83-84 of The Big Book). They supplement the famous Twelve Steps.

If anyone out there has “worked the program,” chime in and tell us if AA’s promises came true for you. Here they are in all their glory:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

“Are these extravagant promises? We think not,” the Big Book claims. “They will always materialize if we work for them.”

Are you wishing Spears the best?