As we know, well-behaved women rarely make history. Part of becoming fearless is being open and assertive about what we want, and knowing we are strong enough to walk away if the person we love isn’t able to give it to us. I often think of a sermon I heard by the then dean of the Houston Cathedral, Pittman McGehee, on the process of “becoming married.” Part of being assertive in love requires being open to the more difficult side of intimacy, he cautioned us. Make room for conflict; it is never comfortable, but it always offers us a chance to reach a deeper understanding of each other.

Are there things you want from a relationship that you’re not getting? List the people with whom you feel safest opening up, and devise ways to improve your communication.

–Arianna Huffington