We often create ourselves by holding on to things that we think define us. We often do so because it gives us a sense of purpose, an identity or differiantes us from others. Holding on to things for identity purposes, however, just weighs us down from being the best we can be. The following are 8 things that if cut loose may help us become better versions of ourselves:

Resentment – We often hold on to resentment after feeling that we have been wronged. We do it in an effort to make ourselves feel “special” – like the world or somebody owes us something because we have been wronged. The truth of the matter is that no one cares, and we are just poisoning ourselves with bitterness.

Desire to Be Right – We often desire to be “right” because we have invested mental energy in something, and desire respect for that investment. We are, however, all “right” on some level and “wrong” on other levels. And the truth of the matter is that we are often more respected when we acknowledge we are “wrong.”

Superiority in Beliefs – Superiority in beliefs provides us with comfort that we have our crap together while other don’t – That we have a unique and correct understanding of the world that others do not, and that makes us privileged. Religions feed off of this. The truth of the matter is that superiority in beliefs leads to stagnation, closed-mindedness, bigotry and a stunting of personal growth.

Superiority in Talents – We love competition because it allows us to showcase our superior talents. The truth of the matter is that any superiority is usually limited (to that specific thing) and temporary. We chase a circle of ups and downs comparing our value to others, instead of comparing ourselves to our previous selves, which is the path for personal growth.

Inferiority in Talents – We make excuses for not engaging because we don’t have the “skills” or “talents” – We separate ourselves as victims and this makes us feel “special” – Like the world owes us something because we were born with less. The truth of the matter is that everyone is in a unique situation in life, and holding on to victimization stops us from moving forward to become better versions of ourselves.

Illness – We often define ourselves through our diseases. We have this disease and that provides us membership into an exclusive club. We seek attention and special treatment because of our unique membership. That exclusivity, however, often becomes so empowering that we refuse to let it go. And that stops us from moving forward with our own personal development.

Permanency – We often hold on to things (including people and ideas) too much and too tightly. We refuse to let go because we have become attached. The truth of the matter is that the things we hold on to are not real – They are temporary creations of the change game. Letting things go and looking at them as temporary parts of the change process helps us move forward with our own personal change and evolution, which is the name of the game.

Strength – Whether countries, groups or individuals, we view strength as paramount. The truth of the matter is that strength is limited and temporary. Holding on to our strength too single-mindedly limits us from acknowledging our weaknesses, which is often a necessary component of growth and evolution.

I know I need to work on everyone of these categories, some more than others, but there is definitely work to be done.

Timothy Velner is a husband, father, attorney and author living in Minneapolis. You can follow his daily blog – a series of discussions between the worry-self and the present-self at – thespiritualgym.me