Over the past 8 years, I’ve written or contributed to something like a dozen books while also holding down a 9-to-5 day job. Ask me how I’ve been able to do it — while also being an active and present dad and not running myself into the ground with exhaustion — and I’ll fill you in on my two secrets:
1. I’m willing to sacrifice certain things for the sake of writing.
2. I’m boring.
The “sacrifice” part probably isn’t a surprise. In order to carve out extra hours in order to write, I’ve had to give up a few personal things, like an extra hour in front of the TV or an extra hour of sleep in the mornings. I think most people understand that.
The second item on the list might be less obvious. I get a lot done because I’m disciplined and consistent and dedicated to a routine. I live a quiet life. When I’m working on a book, I write or research every day, at the same time, for the same amount of time. That’s how I get it done. I use my time efficiently. I do my work, I come home, I play with my kids, I eat right, I exercise, and I do more work.
Other than occasional vacations, races, and summertime scheduling differences, my routine hardly changes from week to week. It’s not at all the exciting life of an artist, but it’s insanely productive.
As the poet and cartoonist Austin Kleon noted in this excellent blog post, Flaubert once said, “Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.”
And I wonder if that same perspective applies to fatherhood. I’m a big believer that “quantity time” is more important than quality time. Good parenting isn’t just about a few huge memorable experiences but about the accumulated time spent between a parent and a child. Time together doing…nothing. Boring stuff. Playing board games, reading on the couch, swinging in a hammock, jumping on a trampoline.
I work until 5, every day.
But at 5, I’m available for my kids until they go to bed, every day.
And I think kids need that kind of consistency. Consistent availability, consistent discipline, consistent expectations.
A lot of us creative people want to be creative parents. We want to expose our kids to activities and experiences that will fire up their imaginations and nourish their creativity. But I wonder if sometimes the best way to do that is by giving them a good, solid, boring routine.
After all, you can’t just throw seeds into crazy places and expect them to grow. A shoe is a really creative place to put a seed. So is a snare drum. But the seed probably won’t grow in either of those environments. Seeds need soil and sunlight and water. Dependable things. Boring things.
I suspect that only when you give your kids the right quantity of those boring things will they find the nutrients for blossoming into something cool. That’s when Flaubert’s “violent and original” stuff begins happening. But that spark is most likely to be ignited by dull consistency.
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What kinds of boring routines do you and your kids enjoy?