Now for something completely different:

“She’d been strangled with a rosary-not a run-of-the-mill rosary like you might get at a Catholic bookstore where Hail Marys are two for a quarter and indulgences are included on the back flap of the May issue of “Nuns and Roses” magazine, but a fancy heirloom rosary with pearls, rubies, and a solid gold cross, a rosary with attitude, the kind of rosary that said, ‘Get your Jehovah’s Witness butt off my front porch.'”” — Mark Schweizer, Hopkinsville, KY, runner-up in the annual Bulwer-Lyton contest.

The contest describes itself thusly:

An international literary parody contest, the competition honors the memory (if not the reputation) of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873). The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. Although best known for The Last Days of Pompeii (1834), which has been made into a movie three times, originating the expression “the pen is mightier than the sword,” and phrases like “the great unwashed” and “the almighty dollar,” Bulwer-Lytton opened his novel Paul Clifford (1830) with the immortal words that Charles Schulz’ beagle Snoopy plagiarized for years, “It was a dark and stormy night.”

You can read other hilarious abominations of literature at this link. It’s a scream.

Many thanks to Happy Catholic for the quote and link!