First, there was the chestnut stuffing at Thanksgiving. The pumpkin pie. Then the carrot cake at the office Christmas party. The chocolate mousse at Christmas. The plate of cookies Christmas night. Egg nog. The ziti and eggplant and tiramisu at the rectory staff Christmas party. The second helping of tiramisu at the pastoral council Christmas dinner. The bag of beautifully wrapped chocolates a thoughtful parishioner gave me as a gift after mass last Sunday.

Now, my pants don’t fit.

I’m changing my name to Deacon Shamu. I start at Sea World next week.