I can’t think of a better way of building up a marriage than starting every day the way this couple does:

When most married couples vow to love, honor and cherish each other on their wedding day, that is often the only time they voice those promises aloud. Not so for Dan and Helen Lococo who celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary July 15.

“We say our wedding vows every morning,” Dan said, giving Helen a smile. “It’s just, we started one day committing our life to one another. That is part of our morning ritual.”

For the past 17 years, Dan and Helen, partners in a consulting firm and members of St. Pius X Parish in Wauwatosa, have met with engaged and married couples within the Milwaukee Archdiocese, showing – not teaching – how an intimate and loving marriage commitment isn’t as far-reaching as many may think, by presenting “Learning from Plan B.”

“We focus on kind of a parallel map, if you will, of contract and covenant,” Dan explained about their presentation, which they give together at various parishes three to four times a year. “And ‘Plan A’ and ‘Plan B,’ and how those things intermix because we can have a contract that would serve ‘Plan A’ very well, but when you get to ‘Plan B,’ you clearly need the covenant because a contract only covers that small list of things.” That covenant, according to Dan, is what holds their family together.

“‘Plan A’ is our plans,” Helen finished. “And ‘Plan B’ is reality with God involved.”

Their involvement within the archdiocese was not planned, according to Helen.

“We wanted to do something as a couple,” she said. “And one night, Randy Nohl (then archdiocesan director of adult and family) put on Meyers-Briggs (personality workshop), and after the end of the evening we went up to Randy and said, ‘You know, we don’t know if you can help us, but we’re looking for something to do as a couple,’ and he went, ‘Oh, have I got something for you!'”

Nohl, currently coordinator of the John Paul II Center, got them involved in the Engaged Enrichment program, which helps engaged couples explore the meaning of a committed, sacramental relationship and its strengths and limitations in a caring manner to deepen the future marriage relationship. Dan and Helen leapt at the opportunity and have remained involved for 17 years.

In addition to presentations, they work with couples in a one-on-one focus group. According to Dan, the advice they offer “is as little as possible.”

“Whether it’s the big group, or the face-to-face around our own table, we try to witness our own experiences and try and be open to what the experiences of couples we work with on,” he said. “And try and share with them the experiences of how we dealt with some pretty challenging issues.”

According to Dan and Helen, sharing a faith journey is a trip many couples mistakenly miss, as they testify from their own experience.

“We find that probably the most difficult part of our relationship is building up that spiritual intimacy,” Helen explained, adding she finds people are touched when they bare their souls and share their own journey.

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