I finally went to see the Quentin Tarantino opus “Inglourious Basterds” today. I liked it. I didn’t love it, the way I loved “Pulp Fiction” and “Kill Bill,” but it had some typically Tarantinovian touches: cool music, crazy camera work, funky dialogue. And a lot of blood. A whole. Lot. Of blood.

Having said that, I didn’t quite get the whole, well, point of the picture. The ending left me cold.

But after thinking about it, I did come up with a few morals to the story:

10. Never hide under the floorboards. It’s the first place they look.

9. Don’t hold a rendezvous with a bunch of Nazis in a basement.

8. Watch your testicles.

7. If you get caught in an ugly shootout, and someone rescues you, remember not to leave behind your shoes.

6. If you get captured by the Americans and give them valuable information and they let you go, be prepared to invest some money in hats that have big brims.

5. It’s always good to know a second language. Like, maybe, Italian.

4. When you go to the movies, it’s better to have a seat on the aisle.

3. The skills you learned in Little League batting practice can, in fact, be transferred into the real world.

2. You’re not a really important dictator until you’ve commissioned four or five big paintings of yourself wearing a cape.

1. Austin Powers will always be Austin Powers, even with a moustache