Western Slope parishioners Mike and Toni (not their real names) have been married for a decade and have several children. Mike works outside the home while Toni is a homemaker. After beginning marriage preparation classes the two quit cohabitating and began to live as brother and sister until their wedding day. They agreed to share their story with the Denver Catholic Register so as to encourage other couples to see the benefits of waiting until matrimony to live together. 

DCR: How did you end up cohabitating?  

Toni: We’d known each other for almost four years before we got married. We met while living on the East Coast and began dating. Then Mike came out to Colorado for a job and for awhile we maintained a long-distance relationship. Eventually we decided that I should come out and join him and we’d live together. The main reasons were emotional and financial; we were crazy for each other, we wanted to be together and it was easier to maintain one residence instead of two. 

DCR: How and when did you come to the decision stop cohabitating? 

Toni: It was when we began the marriage (prep) and NFP (natural family planning) classes that we started to talk about it. I have to say at the time I wasn’t a very well-formed Catholic. To me it was perfectly normal to live with your boyfriend and use birth control, but upon reflection the act was totally desensitizing. And the fact is that for a woman to use birth control (oral contraceptives commonly called “the pill”) is not good for her health.
Mike: I’d call it a conversion experience. When the marriage preparation classes started, we weren’t pounced upon with the idea of not cohabitating. It was one of the topics covered in the class, along with NFP and communication skills. But what made the impression for us was the testimony of a married couple, our mentors in the class, and their journey about discovering the sacredness of the sacrament of matrimony. That got us thinking. We felt encouraged to live apart and abstain from conjugal relations until marriage. No one judged us for choosing the path we did. It was simply encouragement and support–very positive. 

DCR: So is it fair to say that upon hearing this testimony, you came to this decision together about no longer cohabitating and neither one of you needed more convincing? 

Mike: No, we were both in agreement after beginning the class. 

Toni: We knew this was what we wanted to do. 

DCR: And once the decision was made was it difficult to put into practice? 

Toni: Yes and no. I suppose it would have been even easier if we had maintained separate residences but neither of us had family here so we decided to live under the same roof but in separate bedrooms. We looked at it as a challenge. Of course it was difficult, but at the same time it made sense.

Mike: It was a major decision, but we were heading to the sacrament of matrimony; here was our goal and we knew it was going to be a challenge, but not insurmountable. What we were doing wasn’t forever; it was achievable.

Check out the rest to learn how they did it — and what they got out of the experience.