How should the Catholic Church deal with couples who are living together and want to get married in the Church? Tough question. As recently as a generation ago, those cases were the exception. Now, they’re the rule. And a conference next month will seek to address that question:

The increasing acceptance and practice of cohabitation poses numerous challenges for the Catholic Church, not the least being pastoral issues: how to prepare men and women for marriage in this environment, whether the couple live together or not.

Catholics are rising to address the challenge, and a leading American canon lawyer will address the topic next month at a conference in California.

The Rev. Kevin Quirk will deliver a presentation, “Cohabitation: Canonical and Pastoral Consequences,” to the annual Canon Law Society of America conference. Cohabitation, Father Quirk said, “is fast becoming an accepted stage between dating and marriage or an end in itself in the United States.”

He will discuss a 2002 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that studied the links among “marriage, divorce, contraception, infertility, and other factors affecting pregnancy and birthrates and women’s health” and how the findings of the CDC study affect Catholics from the perspective of church law and pastoral application.

The Oct. 10 meeting in Orange, Calif., will bring together officials of the Catholic Church’s internal legal system from around the world. Father Quirk, judicial vicar of the Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston, W.Va., holds a doctorate in canon law from the Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome.

The widespread acceptance of cohabitation “presents pastoral difficulties since there is no formal commitment between the couple,” said Bishop Jean-Louis Plouffe of Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario. “So the church cannot accept this relationship because it involves sexual intimacy outside marriage.”

Nevertheless, Bishop Plouffe notices that many cohabiting couples are now seeking to marry in the church. “Family has become a trend again, which we find positive,” he said.

“We don’t live in a perfect world,” Bishop Plouffe said. “But it seems that more people are realizing the value of building a home and family within a committed family. These are sound reasons for marrying.”

Sister Josie McKechnie, a psychologist with the Sisters of St. Joseph and director of the Diocese of Sault Ste. Marie’s Family Enrichment Centre, said she pays particular attention to cohabiting couples when overseeing marriage preparation for the diocese.

“The trend over the last five years is that about 60 percent of couples seeking marriage [from the diocese] are cohabitating, and about 25 percent of couples seeking marriage are either pregnant or bringing children into the marriage,” she says.

The key issue is to help cohabiting couples discern what is motivating them to marry after a period of living together.

“For example, if there are problems in their relationship and they think marriage is going to solve them, then you have a red flag,” said Sister McKechnie.

The Diocese of Sault Ste. Marie, like many other North American dioceses, uses a premarital inventory called Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study to help couples discern their motivation for marriage. The questionnaire is designed to help couples learn more about themselves and their relationship. It looks at important aspects of a relationship such as communication, problem-solving, expectations and values, parenting issues, religion and values, personal issues, their understanding of marriage as a covenant, sexuality, finances, readiness and compatibility, and extended family issues.

“It helps the couple,” Sister McKechnie said. “It also helps those of us who are working with the couple to identify potential problem areas. We use it to help them improve awareness of their relationship — where there is understanding and agreement in their relationship, as well as areas where there is disagreement and areas where there might be some critical problems or special issues.”

The Rev. John List is the judicial vicar for the Diocese of Lexington, Ky. Besides overseeing annulment cases in the diocesan tribunal, he is the pastor of St. Peter parish. His pastoral duties include helping couples prepare for marriage. He said his tribunal experience has reinforced his belief that good premarital preparation is vital to helping young couples succeed in marriage.

“I tell couples I’m interested in marriage preparation because I don’t want to see them at my other desk,” Father List said. “We put lots of resources into tribunal ministry, but we cannot put too much into marriage prep.”

Couples must approach marriage with a realistic sense of the depth of the commitment, Father List said. Of vital importance is that the couple understand the nature of marriage as indissoluble.

To this end, the Diocese of Lexington uses a program developed by moral theologian Christopher West. The program helps couples understand the four things Catholics believe are common to every marriage: permanence, faithfulness, openness to the procreation and upbringing of children, and the mutual support between spouses. The program also promotes sexual abstinence during the courtship and engagement as well as the practice of natural family planning during marriage. The last skill assists couples in spacing out childbirth and family size without the use of contraception.

Strengthening marriage-preparation programs is important to helping young couples, Father List said.

“What we’re finding from our anonymous surveys at the end of the weekend is that very often, [the] couple haven’t had a change of heart apparent at this time, but we’ve at least planted the seed,” he said. “However, sometimes couples will tell us that they’ve reconsidered the church’s teaching, and they need to talk about these issues.”

There’s more, so check the link for the rest.

Among other things, it notes that 60% of the Catholic couples in Lexington, Kentucky are reportedly living together before marriage. From what I’ve seen in Brooklyn, that number is closer to 95%.