I find myself, this Easter, confronting an awesome giant.

It is the same massive and beautiful creature that has terrified and intimidated generations of deacons. It stands astride the holiest time of the year, daring you to pass. It laughs as you approach, snorts as you make any attempt to sneak by.

I speak, of course, of the Exultet: a seven-minute masterpiece of Gregorian chant, sung a capella, by candlelight, at the start of the Easter Vigil. It is the prized property of the deacon, and should ideally be sung only by him. (In a pinch, a talented priest or even a cantor will do. But the norms are pretty clear: it belongs to the deacon.)

Last year, when I realized I would be staring down this massive musical monolith, I searched in vain for a decent recording. Compounding things is the simple fact that there are countless versions of it floating around — all similar, but with subtle and distinctive musical differences. Finally, online, I discovered this excellent resource, managed by Fr. Martin X. Moleski, SJ. With some nimble computer work, I was able to download the sung version onto my iPod. And, since Christmas, it has been my constant companion.

I have probably listened to this recording thousands of times. Once I got used to the melody, I was able to start singing along with it, and following the sheet music (also available on the site.) Just yesterday, I had my first practice session with our parish music director.

The good news: I didn’t suck.

The bad news: I need another year or two of practice.

The Easter Vigil is 13 days away.

Onward I go, knees knocking, throat tightening, drawing closer to the towering Gregorian terror, sputtering in my weasly, E-flat tenor: “R-r-r-r-rejoice, h-h-heavenly p-p-p-owers…”

Pray for me.

Or, as the Exultet puts it: “My dearest friends, standing with me in this holy light, join me in asking God for mercy, that He may give his unworthy minister grace to sing His Easter praises…”

Yeah. That about sums it up right now …