Most every self-help course begins with the idea that you must know yourself before you can know what you are going to do and how you will act with others. Even the Bible tells us to “Know thyself” before you can know God. Most people will claim they know who they are, even if they really don’t.

People have a general idea of what they like or want. But that’s usually as far as knowing one’s self goes. Why do you react the way you do? What would you do in an enormous situation like depression? Would anxiety floor you? If you lost all hope, would you cling to life or give up?

Only you can know yourself. You know what you believe in, how you would like to react to certain situations, or what you believe you’re capable of handling. The truth, the reality of the situation, may not meet your expectations of self.

Here’s an example. You think you can handle stress and would never get depressed. But then a situation comes along – divorce, death, bullying –  that you can’t handle, didn’t ask for, and don’t know what to do to make it go away. Instead of being emotionally solid, you feel the stress and break down. Suddenly, you’re going downhill and before you realize it, you’re depressed.

You see yourself and the world from the inside out. Meanwhile, others view you from the outside. They see a projection of you, like an actor in a play. “The world is a stage and we are only actors,” is very true. You project what you believe to be the appropriate behaviour and attitude that the world you live in wants or expects from you. Your inner truth usually is different from your outer projection.

Knowing yourself isn’t always a simple process. You have assumptions and beliefs of what you are capable of and hopes for your future. When these expectations aren’t met, or are somehow harmed or destroyed, its natural to feel hurt, angry, and even betrayed by life.

But in those times you have to step back. Breathe. Take a look at how you’re handling the new situation. Don’t measure yourself against others. Measure yourself against you. Have you made the best choices you could have in that circumstance? Is guilt shifting your focus towards the negative? Are you stuck in mind traps?