The loneliest number isn’t one. You can be all alone, and not be lonely. You can be a hermit and feel loved by the Universe and joyful for being alive.
One of the most common misconceptions about loneliness is that it’s about the number of friends you have or having people around you. Loneliness really isn’t that. Loneliness is about feeling alone and feeling emotionally adrift, like you don’t belong anywhere in life.
In a room full of people…
In a room full of people who love you, you can still be the loneliest person there. People who are depressed get this. Because if you’re depressed and in a room full of people who care about you, you won’t feel their love. No. What you’ll feel is those dark emotions roiling around inside you. The doubts, fears, anger, guilt, and shame. Am I really good? Why do they care about me? I haven’t lived up to their expectations.
There’s no stereotypical lonely person
There’s no real standard of what a lonely person looks like. Many lonely people will laugh at jokes, smile awkwardly, engage in social conversation, and promise to get back to you later. That’s why people usually miss connecting with the suicidal person. The person didn’t look lonely. The person didn’t sound unhappy.
Lonely people think they get in the way of life for others.
If you’re lonely, your emotions are taking over your life and leading you down the dark path. The more depressed you get, the more you believe any negative thoughts entering your head.
You believe that people who say they love you only love you when you’re not telling them the truth about how you feel, or share the pain and despair you’re in. No one wants to know what you’re going through. Or even if they do, and they listen to you, their advice just doesn’t work.
Loneliness and pain stays. People get annoyed with you. Now they are against you. They aren’t your friends anymore.
“So what’s the point, you think, of telling someone else how I feel if eventually everyone leaves me?” And that is the power of loneliness. To take you away from a group of loved ones, people who reach out with open hearts to heal you. It’s the lie in your head that says no one wants to know how you really are and everyone is uncomfortable talking about feelings.
How to help a lonely person
The lonely person is shielded with dark emotions. The mind says, “You’re alone in this world. No one cares for you.” So you start feeling lonely and adrift in a world that doesn’t care. You start judging friends, family, coworkers, and strangers. “Do these people really care about me? The real me inside of who I pretend to be?” You put on a brave face, or a mask of what you believe others want or expect of you. But its all fake. Except for the pain inside your heart and soul. So on and on it goes. The endless vicious cycle.
Sending a light text message “Hope everything is fine” doesn’t work with a lonely person. You need to make physical contact. Okay, not everyone likes hugs. But hugs are the best at breaking negative thoughts and reinforcing positive energies.
But other than hugs, what other physical contact can you do? Well, you can simply be present. Be there. Share that space and hold it for the lonely person. Visit without any expectations of getting this or that out of the encounter. Take time to listen. To really hear what the other person says. Let the meaning of the words soak in. And while you’re being the safe and caring person for the lonely person to come out of the shell, remember that you also need to acknowledge your own feelings. What is it that you need today out of this relationship?
No one needs to be perfect
No one needs to be perfect to be loved by the universe. You can be the most imperfect person in all ways and yet the universe will still respond to your needs and requests. The universe will still give you whatever you need, maybe not what you want, but what at some level you really need. So the idea that only perfect people or happy people are entitled to get good things in life is bogus. It’s fake news.
You are perfect in your imperfect way. Flaws create character. So long as you’re not hurting someone else, your flaws are there to help you grow towards the next higher level of spirit. Love, care, trust, and respect are still yours.
Be vulnerable. Let others see your pain. Ask for help. There is no joy to be had holding onto pain, or suffering alone. None of that is character building. It is the opposite. It is breaking your soul, your spirit, down. It is letting in darkness that was never part of you to begin with. Be compassionate with yourself. That’s why a hermit can be the happiest person in the world. Because the hermit doesn’t forget to be compassionate and honest with the most important person in the room – himself.
Follow Terezia Farkas on Twitter: @tereziafarkas
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