I’ve been writing for years about negative people and negative family members. Some of the most poisonous people come disguised as family. I’ve given advice on how to cleanse your area and aura of negativity from these people. Recently, I came across a great article that more or less says the same things I’ve said before.

If you’re suffering with a negative family member, trying to change that person’s attitude and behaviour probably isn’t going to work. After all, you can’t just quit seeing the person, or even if you could it might not be the best thing to do. So here’s 5 things to remember about a negative family member:

1. They may not be a bad person, but they’re not the right person to spend time with every day. 

   Not every family is a healthy one. There are negative members in most every family. Yours isn’t the exception. Some so called negative family members might actually care about you. These are negative people who have good intentions, but because their needs and way of existing in the world don’t match yours, these people force you to be unhappy. You shouldn’t have to ruin your life to help someone who is negative.  You have to make your well-being a priority.  Whether that means spending less time with someone, loving a family member from a distance, letting go entirely, or temporarily removing yourself from a situation that feels painful – you have every right to leave and create some healthy space for yourself.

2. Negative family members often hide behind passive aggression. 

   Passive aggressive behaviour takes many forms. It’s a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behaviour.  For example, instead of openly telling someone how you feel, you make subtle, annoying gestures at the person. Jabs, pokes, smart a** remarks. That sort of thing. This person doesn’t want to be open and honest with you. Usually there’s no real way to deal with this type of person. Ignoring them may do the trick, but that’s not always possible. Let the person know you care for him or her. This may help. If not, then clear the way to distance yourself emotionally from this person.

3. A negative family member will try to bully you into submission if you let them.

   The biggest bully you will ever meet is usually a negative family member. Bullying is never okay. It can lead to physical assault which should be reported. What you have to do is stand up for yourself.  Find courage. Nobody has the power to make you feel small unless you give them that power.  It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but just as much to stand up to your family and friends.  Be aware of how the people closest to you treat you, and look out for the subtle jabs they throw.  When necessary, confront them, whatever it takes to give yourself the opportunity to grow into who you really are.

4. Don’t pretend their negative behaviour is okay. 

   Don’t give away your personal power by being okay with a family member’s negative behaviour towards you. Don’t be fooled.  If you reward a negative family member with attention just to get the person to stay quiet, you’re not doing yourself any favours. Short-term ease equals long-term pain for you in a situation like this.  Negative people don’t change if they are rewarded for not changing.  Decide not to be influenced by their behaviour.  Stop tiptoeing around them or making excuses for their continued bad behaviour.  Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with.  If someone in your family over the age 21 can’t be a reasonable, reliable, respectful adult on a regular basis, it’s time to speak up and stand your ground.

5. Self care every day.

   Practice self care every day. If you’re forced to live or work with a negative person, you need to take care of yourself. Self care is key. Otherwise, the negative attitude can become tiring and even infect you to some degree. Yoga, mindfulness, meditation, prayer, regular exercise – these are a few self care example. Self care doesn’t need to be expensive. It can be cheap and easy. Just find something that relaxes you and brings happiness. 

   Twitter:  @tereziafarkas