How do you deal with a depressed person? It’s easy to slip up and make mistakes. To say something that you shouldn’t have. So here’s three rules of thumb for dealing with a depressed person.

1. TALK NON JUDGMENTALLY WITHOUT LEADING THE PERSON.

Communication is very important. If you talk to someone, you probably tend to have opinions, make judgements and voice those, and even lead on a person to accept your idea by either bullying, debating, or arguing. 

Because talking is such a common, everyday experience, it often is overlooked when it comes to dealing with a person who is depressed. How you talk to someone depressed is totally, completely important!

“Do you want to talk? Do you feel like talking?” are good ways to talk to someone depressed. “How can I help you? I’m here if you want to talk. I love you. Look forward, past your pain, and see it won’t always be this way.”

Talking helps a depressed person express emotions and ideas. It’s a lifeline to the world. There’s a need in someone depressed to talk about his/her experience. The conversation might not make sense to  you. It may even alarm you.

It’s tough to keep judgements, opinions, arguments out when talking to someone depressed. But that’s exactly what you need to do. Practice it and soon you’ll discover ways to talk that don’t upset you and open up dialogue.

 

2. LISTEN COMPLETELY AND BE NON JUDGMENTAL.

Blah blah blah. It’s what Charlie Brown hears when his teacher speaks. Blah blah blah is also what a person picks out of conversations. In fact, its only very important words or details that a person actually listens to in any conversation. This might be only 10% of the hour long conversation! The rest of the words are processed and then tossed by short term memory.

So the first step in listening to someone depressed is to actually LISTEN. Yes, hear those blah blah words that you naturally tune out from. Listen to the tone of the conversation. Is it hopeful, dark, sincere, or confused? How much of what the person is saying are emotional words? Is there a lot of repetition?

Don’t judge what the person is saying. It’s easy to right away think, “That’s not right!” “Why do you feel so hopeless? You’ve got everything that’s good in the world!” While that’s what you think about the other person, its not what that person really feels or thinks about his/her self.

Accept the person’s thoughts and feelings without judging the person. Those thoughts and feelings are influenced by depression. They do not define who your loved one is! What your loved one needs most now is Compassion and Understanding. 

3.  DON’T PROMISE TO KEEP ANYTHING A SECRET.

We all like secrets. And we all like to say we can keep a secret. But when it comes to dealing with someone depressed, a secret can actually kill that person.

Depression should never be kept secret. While not everyone who is depressed will commit suicide, everyone who commits suicide is depressed. 

There are many reasons a depressed person will want you to promise to keep what is said a secret. For some it’s about societal or cultural shame. For others it’s reactions at the workplace, club or organization. There’s shame by association which can cause families to withdraw needed support. Finally, there is the person considering suicide.

Pick who you tell the secret to wisely. Don’t go telling family members if you know they will react negatively or even dangerously towards the depressed person. Find and tell a trained medical professional who can advise and assist in the matter. You can also contact the national mental health hotline or local mental health organizations. 

You aren’t betraying the person. You might feel guilty or  loose the trust or friendship of the person, but you did the right thing. 

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.  (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org)

 

Find me on Twitter  @tereziafarkas

Visit my website http://www.tereziafarkas.com

BUY NOW