Depression not only isolates a person from other people, it also shreds your words and cuts them off from you. Words become hollow descriptors. They can’t capture the despair and pain you feel. How can words connect with depression?

I remember when I started writing my journals and then my book. The words got stuck in my head. Was that word the right one to describe the agony I feel? Agony. How much does that word even describe the terrible pain I feel. Is there another word, a word with feeling attached to it, that comes closer to what I’m feeling?

Words are but pale shadows

Many times the answer was no. I used words I knew were pale shadows of what I was feeling. They came nowhere close to describing my hell. But I wrote them down. They were alphabetic letters combined into a word. The words didn’t contain any part of me. There was no emotional attachment. So, I wrote many more words down. Some didn’t even make sense.

Then the time came when I promised myself I wouldn’t attempt suicide anymore – or at least I wouldn’t try it for a few weeks. Suddenly words gushed like a river from my mind onto paper, sometimes wild and making no sense, swirling and leading down to nowhere. But then in the middle of the jumble, the mess, prose appeared. Beautiful psalm like writing that came from somewhere deep within. The words rambled, roared, wept with agony.

I know that writing incoherently is a tell tale sign of depression. But I believe it goes beyond that. Depression is such an enormous experience, one that crushes and destroys, that no word will ever be able to describe the experience. You can use metaphors, similes, poetry … but there isn’t any one word or word combo that can properly paint a picture of how you feel. It comes close. But that’s all it does.

Does this mean you give up talking about depression? Does it mean you can never describe depression?

No. It simply means that the words you choose will never satisfy you in explaining how you feel. So, instead of trying to find the perfect word, the perfect catch all phrase, just go with whatever words pop into your head. Say or write down whatever word feels right or close enough at the moment to describe your feelings.

Use your words. Don’t leave them in your head. Speak them out loud. Say them to friends, family, and co-workers. Write them down. Read them back to yourself. Cry or howl with rage when you speak them. But speak your words.

Connect with Terezia Farkas on her website www.tereziafarkas.com