Life is busy and messy. When you’re severely depressed, life is bleak and there’s no grateful reflection. But you need to remember the good things in your life. Today I’m taking time for grateful reflection. Here are a few things that make my list.

1. Life is fragile, beautiful, and I have it.

I used to believe life sucks and wasn’t worth living. But now, after experiencing near death with suicide attempts, I’ve realized in a deep way how precious, fragile, and beautiful life is. Life, that breath or force that keeps me alive, is mine to cherish and enjoy.

2. Friends are everywhere.

Friends can come from the most unusual sources. Friends come and go. Don’t worry about friends who come and go. People come into your life at different times. Hopefully, they are present to teach and guide you. Sometimes the lessons learned are hard and nasty. But that’s okay. You learn about those things too.

3. I don’t hate looking at myself in the mirror.

That was a tough one. I hated seeing my reflection. Never mind taking a long look. I’d brush my hair out of the corner of my eyes, and brush my teeth with eyes down. I avoided mirror-eye contact everywhere. Nowadays, I’m okay with myself, which means I have actual mirror time.

4. I’ve stopped self harming.

This is a big one. Depressed people self harm in many different ways. Anything from excessive drinking, gambling, food binges, sexual indulgences to physical harm. It doesn’t matter which of those I did. It matters that I’ve stopped.

5. I can laugh.

People don’t realize how amazing laughter is. They take laughing for granted. Good laughter, not mean ones meant to hurt, contains so much energy that’s positive and refreshing to the body and soul. When you’re depressed, laughter is the first thing to go. It’s also the first thing to return when you’re recovering.

6. Hope.

Hope is a really big deal. When you go to work, come home and make plans for the next day, you are experiencing hope without realizing it. You’re hoping that tomorrow will show up for you, and that things you want to do will come true. When you’re depressed, hope isn’t that easy. You don’t see tomorrow. You may not even be able to see the next five minutes. I’m grateful for hope.

7. Energy to do things.

Getting out of bed used to be a chore. Showering, cooking a meal, doing laundry – those mundane things were painful and slow to do. Lack of energy also makes you numb to the world. You end up not caring about anything. So its good to have energy.

Being grateful usually counts only good things. It often overlooks turmoil and hardships. But those experiences can lead a person towards a brighter path, one that’s not visible at the time. I’m grateful about:

8. Negative people.

Negative people have taught me about myself. They’ve shown me who I don’t want to be, what I don’t want to experience, and what I don’t want to do to others. Negative people taught me coping skills, the ability to adapt to fluid situations, and the importance of self-care. They also taught me that my self-worth and esteem does not depend on what these people think.

9. Anxiety.

Thanks anxiety for letting me experience several phobias. I never knew I had so many. At the same time, I found Mindfulness. Mindfulness helped me find the root cause of my phobias, and taught me how to deal with negative self talk. I am now more aware of anxiety triggers and have a tool to deal with negative thoughts.

10. Grief.

I learned a lot about life and dying. I supported and stood by a person slowly dying of cancer. I saw dignity and love carry the person through incredible pain. Grief taught me how to deal with death, and how letting go of a person doesn’t actually mean that.

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