Kim and Mark were hopeless romantics when they fell in love. But lately, the marriage was faltering and both were considering divorce.

When they came to see me, I saw six signs of distress that told me things were not good. Check your marriage for these signs and get to a marital therapist now if these represent you.

1) Kim and Mark began every discussion with anger and criticism. The way a discussion begins predicts how it ends 96% of the time. If one partner uses a harsh start up (negative, accusatory, etc.), the marriage has a chance of failing.

2) The couple was hardly talking. Both had checked out emotionally and erected a stone wall around their emotional lives. Negative interactions that contain criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling lead to divorce.

3) Mark continued to distance from Kim because he could not handle the negativity she constantly pointed out in the relationship. Being overwhelmed by the negativity of one person causes the other to become flooded by intense feelings of negativity and then to disengage emotionally.

4) Mark refused to talk and Kim pursued him even more, but neither was connecting. The physical body becomes overwhelmed and the person can’t maintain the discussion. Thus they opt out physically and emotionally.

5) Kim tried many times to engage Mark and talk about problems but he had checked out emotionally. The partner’s attempts to repair conflict fail. 

6) When I asked them about their relationship, they had nothing positive to say. The past is recalled with a negative view.

So if your relationship is failing, don’t opt out, but look for these signs and get help.

We know how to repair marital difficulties.

Most couples divorce over fixable problems. And God wants you to take marriage seriously and honor the covenant.