It’s toxic.

It can be sexual, but doesn’t have to be.

It can be present and you may  not be aware of it.

It’s at the heart of failing relationships.

The secret relationship killer is betrayal. And betrayal isn’t always about infidelity. It has different faces like when a husband thinks more about his career than his wife. Or a wife decides not to have children, even though this was not the original plan. Partners who are selfish, cold and unfair display their disloyalty in every day acts, thus betraying the emotional safety and assurance one needs in a relationship.

Lies that are told to maintain the peace are acts of betrayal. Siding with a family member against your spouse, being emotionally absent and withholding sex are other ways to betray your partner. And of course, breaking promises to each other qualifies as well.

What makes a relationship work is trust–the opposite of betrayal.

If you relationship suffers from a lack of trust, try these things to start building it back:

1) Repent and be remorseful. Accept responsibility for your behavior and ask for forgiveness.

2) Commit to being honest and carrying no secrets.

3)  Think about what went wrong and why in an order to avoid a repeat.

4) Make changes in your behavior. Tell your partner so he or she notice the change.

5) Be patient. Trust is easy to lose and takes time to rebuild. But it can be done and is necessary to move a relationship forward.