Sex therapist will tell you that lack of sex in a marriage could be a sign of marital crisis. While that may be true, it is normal for a couple’s sex life to slow down over time and even stop. Yet, having sex turns out to be one of the ingredients for a happy marriage. In fact, even when we think we are having more sex, we get happy!

So if you want those sparks to  fly again, pay attention.

A lacking sex life needs to be discussed. I know it is not easy to bring up the topic, but having a conversation about wanting more sex is the place to begin. Don’t blame or criticize. Tell your spouse you want more intimacy. Then problem solve a few ideas to make it happen, e.g, time of the day, where, things that would put you in the mood, etc.

Next, shake it up by doing new things in your relationship to get the brain stimulated. Novelty brings that zest back to a relationship. Think about dinner on a blanket in front of the fire, trying out a new restaurant, exploring a new part of town or nature, etc. Get out of the rut. Think expresso shot, not just coffee.

The good news is that most couples married 25 years or more report being satisfied in their sexual relationships. For those who aren’t (and that is a big enough group to be concerned about), be intentional about attending to your spouse in this area. Don’t ignore the issue. Do random acts of kindness, attend to each other emotional, and talk about what might be getting in the way of making time for each other. Then, take the time and get those sparks flying again!