Mother’s Day is almost here. Are you dreading it or looking forward to it? All over this county, moms will be receiving flowers, candy and going out to dinner. There will be special celebrations and multiple ways to honor our moms. But the day is more than a Hallmark Card. It’s a day to take inventory on how you and mom are doing.

Because our relationship with our mother affects all our other relationships, the more we work on making peace and finding a meaningful connection, the more skilled we will be at all other relationships.

Our relationship with mom is one of the closest bonds two people can share. That kind of intimacy requires us to define ourselves apart from her and still be emotionally engaged. This is the work we must do in all healthy relationships–be separate but still attached. And if we don’t do this important work, we get stuck. Other relationships suffer.

Here is why. Mothers teach us how to be intimate, to deal with conflict, how to feel about our bodies, how to cope, walk out our faith, and so much more. Moms shape our identity. While you are giving gifts to your mom, think about this, especially if you are a mom. One of the greatest gifts a mother can give a child is to be a mom who has worked on her own emotional issues related to her mom. The better a mother feels about herself as a woman and the more confident she is in her identity, the greater gift she gives to her children.

As a tribute to your mom, name one positive thing your mom gave you that you appreciate. This identification of the positives no matter how difficult, will help strengthen the bond.

I’ll begin. My mom gave me…

A sense of independence

A model of equal partnership with her husband

Faith and a Christian upbringing

Common sense

A role model for balancing business and family

People skills

A get it done attitude and work ethic

These are just a few of the things I can quickly recall.

This Mother’s Day, think of all your mom has done for you. Send a positive message to her by recalling the positives and telling her one or two of them. Work on this important intimate relationship that sets the stage for all others. See if you can strengthen the bond, work through your issues and make it a day you look forward to celebrating each year.