As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I often talk about what it takes to build healthy relationships. But perhaps another question is, what does it take to derail a relationship? How do you push someone away? In other words, what contributes to becoming a bad partner?  Here are 10 points to consider. They are often the topic of complaints when a relationship is having trouble:

1) Pick a fight on a regular basis. Make everything a battle! Frankly, this is exhausting and causes a relationship to go negative. No one likes to be in constant conflict. It’s stressful. Stop the fights and arguments. Couples need moments of peace and unity.

2) Be obsessed with your partner. In other words, don’t see other friends or even family. This is called smothering and it will smother your relationship. It’s healthy to have friends and spend time with them apart from your partner. It is also healthy to have some alone time.

3) Be very self-centered. When it is all about you, resentment can build! After all, relationships are about meeting the needs of both people. Be less self-focus and become more other-focused. No one likes a relationship that has to constantly feed the ego of one person.

4) Be indecisive and don’t commit to much of anything. A wishy washy person is frustrating! Just make a decision and stick to it. More importantly, commitment is key to sustaining a relationship. Thus, a partner who can’t commit is a partner who won’t be there long term.

5) Don’t pull your weight. A passive approach to a relationship is another way to build resentment. The work of a relationship should be shared. While we should not keep score, an out of balance relationship can tip negative. When all the “doing” falls on one person, it’s a problem.

6) Refuse to get along with your partner’s family. Some families are challenging but it is up to you to find a way to make it work. Alienating a person’s family is never a good idea unless the family is very toxic. Instead, find ways to support your partner with their family. Do you best to get along and be nice.

7) Talk nonstop about your problems. Again, exhausting! And maybe you need professional help. It’s draining to hear problems and negativity all the time. So think about your conversations and bring up good things more often than the bad things.