We know that teasing can be harmful to children. It can result in feelings of rejection, discrimination, peer relationships problems and limited group and social interests. Because of this, parents should make every effort to confront teasing when it happens.

We don’t really know why, but some children can effectively handle teasing and avoid being repeatedly victimized. Other children don’t do as well and find themselves the brunt of much teasing. I suspect this has to do with the personality of certain children, their sensitivity levels and the way they think.

But you as a parent can coach your children in terms of how to handle teasing. First, it is important not to overreact or under react to teasing. Encourage your child to try and handle the situation on his or her own. If the bully continues, then you may have to step in to stop the behavior. Regardless, do not to minimize the impact of teasing on your child. What seems like a small thing to you could be a big thing to your child. Many adults I saw in therapy could still recall name-calling and teasing from their childhood. Teasing left a lasting impression.

If you witness teasing, the teaser needs to be confronted. Directly ask the child to stop this rude and disrespectful behavior and apologize. Tell the teaser that nothing justifies being cruel to another person. Ask the teaser if he has ever been teased and how it felt. Then ask why the teaser would want to do the same to another person. If the teaser blankly stares back at you, say, “You need to stop hurting another person. It isn’t nice.” Then tell the teaser that you will be watching to see if he continues his rude behavior. A report to the school or authorities will be made if this continues. If, at another time, you observe the teaser being positive with your child, praise the teaser and reinforce his moments of kindness.

If your intervention doesn’t work, bring in other parents or school officials. Encourage your child to find supportive friends who will stand up to teasing. With the support of a friend group, a technique called “the swarm” works. To “swarm,” a group of children  surround the bully and tell him to stop. This works because there is power in numbers and peer pressure to stop the teasing. Help your child identify a few children who might be willing to do this technique. Also, practice various teasing scenarios at home so your child knows what to do when confronted with teasing. At school, identify a teacher who will step in if needed.

From a spiritual perspective,  remind your child that Jesus was teased and rejected. He knows what it feels like and can understand the felt pain. He died to carry that pain for us. We can pray and lay the hurt at his feet, forgiving those who have hurt us and allow God to heal us. The importance of forgiveness cannot be underscored. While teasing is wrong and hurtful, we are instructed to forgive- a lesson you can teach your child early in life.

With support from friends, parents and school personnel, a child can learn to deal with teasing in a way that builds his or her confidence. The important point is to put an end to such behavior.