By now, you are aware of the story of Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars. It’s been all over the news and social media. In case you missed it, Chris Rock was hosting the Academy Awards and made a joke about Will Smith’s wife, Jada. Jada has been open about having alopecia-a medical condition that causes hair loss. It was clear that Jada and Will did not appreciate the joke about her hair loss. Will got up out of seat, went to the stage and slapped Chris Rock. The audience didn’t know what to do nor did the comedian. People were shocked. But should we be surprised? Is this a reflection of the culture?
Since the pandemic began, we’ve had 2 years of unrest and pent up anger. Anger has been expressed by burning down businesses, looting downtowns, calling people names, screaming, fighting and being uncivil on social media. People threaten each other over wearing masks or getting vaccines. Shootings and crime are up. We have a crisis of civility and social harmony. We have forgotten how to talk to each other and be nice.
Look, I am not excusing Will Smith’s behavior in any way. It was wrong. And Chris Rock should not have made fun of a woman’s medical condition. But media is filled with themes of revenge and pay back. One of the most streamed TV shows, Yellowstone, is all about hurting others who hurt you. And if you want more proof of how we are encouraged to unleash anger, jump on social media and take an unpopular position. You will get death threats.
People are angry but how they express it matters. They hold resentment. And contrary to Will Smith’s statement, love does not make you go after other people. This is what love does:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7).
The Bible instructs us to be angry and not sin. Anger is a normal emotion, but how it is expressed matters. We are not to hold it and allow it to become resentment.
“To be angry is human; to put an end to one’s anger is Christian.” — St. Jerome
I hope Chris Rock and Will Smith work it out. I pray there is forgiveness and a release of resentment. I know Will Smith did apologize. That is a good step, However, I hope that they and others will consider the impact of a culture that promotes rage, revenge and violence to others. Something is missing. That something is the moral virtue of forgiveness.
Since Martin Luther King, Jr. called us to nonviolence, we have lost our way. Political activists have lost the concept of forgiveness in the quest for justice. However, forgiveness and justice go hand in hand. Anger that is toxic leads to revenge, not justice. Anger becomes corrosive when it turns to resentment and unforgiveness. Resentment and anger destroy community. But forgiveness can restore social harmony.
I pray Will Smith can truly choose to forgive Chris Rock. It is the only thing that will heal his soul. Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing what Chris Rock did. It is not just calming down or forgetting the unkind remarks about his wife. It is an active choice to restore harmony and lose resentment.
In fact, forgiveness is needed when you are treated unfairly by others. It is counter culture because it is an offer of goodness to those who hurt you based on our common humanity as image bearers of God.
Dr. Robert Enright, a leading forgiveness researcher at the University of Wisconsin, defines forgiveness like this:
“When unjustly hurt by another, we forgive when we overcome the resentment toward the offender, not by denying our right to the resentment, but instead by trying to offer the wrongdoer compassion, benevolence, and love; as we give these, we as forgivers realize that the offender does not necessarily have a right to such gifts.”
When an injustice occurs, we choose to forgive and give up our right to resentment. Sadly, forgiveness as a moral virtue is fading in our culture. Yet, it is the thing we need most to build community. Unless we teach people the power of forgiveness, there will be more revenge and corrosive anger.
Forgiveness is the essence of the Gospel. God so love that He gave. Then His son chose forgiveness on the cross and tells us to forgive others as we have been forgiven.
The most important element in this anger incident is not that a man lost control or that another was unkind. Hey, we are all broken. It is about how they respond, individually and to each other in their heart. The heart must be transformed.
There was an injustice, then an apology but will there be forgiveness and possible reconciliation? I pray for each to have the grace to do the needed work of forgiveness.
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