Are you ready for this There is a new trend gaining some traction. It’s called Sologomy or autogamy, or, self-marriage. Whichever term you choose, it literally means you marry yourself. It is supposed to be a symbolic ceremony where you commit to maintaining a meaningful, deep, and loving relationship with yourself. The goal is to affirm your own value

You might remember (although I did not watch the series), sologamy was a story line in the the TV show, Sex and the City back in 2003. One of the single characters decided to have a ceremony and marry herself to defy the stigma of being alone. However, one of the first first persons to marry herself to herself was Linda Baker in December 1993, She was the Dean of Beeson Divinity School at Samford University in Alabama.

Now, sologamy doesn’t give any legal status. Nor is there a tax exempt status or write off! And you can get married in the future as this is not a commitment to celibacy.

Apparently, if you can’t find intimacy with another, don’t feel bad. Focus on self-love.  Like Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young sang, “Love the one your are with!”At least that seems to be the idea behind this. However, one has to question if this is self-aggrandizing. Sologamy reminds me of the Greek myth of Narcissus from whence we get the term narcissist. In the myth, Narcissus was known for his beauty. However, he rejected all romantic gestures and eventually fell in love with himself when he saw his own reflection for the first time in a pool of water.

One woman walked down the aisle in full wedding gown to the song, Girl. Some say their vows alone or use a mirror and say words like, “I honor myself.” And you can have a guest registry, a photo shoot, and even host a full blown ceremony. Go ahead and invite guests and have bridesmaids. Another women designed her own engagement ring and then “surprised” herself with it. The message is you are enough as you celebrate your wholeness as a single person.

I simply find this sad. What a dramatic step to boost self-esteem. The message isn’t wrong. We should love ourself, but how we do that is not to marry ourself.  We have a bridegroom. He’s called Christ. He affirms us and says we are beautiful just as we are. We do nothing to earn His love. Because we are His, we have value. His love provides God-esteem. You were chosen.

Self-love does not come from a ceremony or positive mantras you say to yourself. It comes from knowing who you are in Christ. He loves you and values you; He is the bridegroom coming back for His bride, the church. And we are even promised a wedding supper with the Lamb! So yes, a celebration is already planned because you have been chosen. But for now, His love provides God-esteem and wholeness!

So yes, when people don’t know the Lord, they look for ways to heal themselves and feel good apart from God. Sin entered the world when Adam and Eve decided to do things their own way: apart from God. I guess we should not be surprised by sologamy,  given people are searching to be validated and loved. But the true solution to loving yourself is available to anyone and costs nothing but a surrendered life to a Father who will treat you as royalty.

The message to love yourself, so you can love others is powerful. Sologamy is self-love, generated from you. Christ offers God’s love–generated from a living and powerful lover. God is love. And in His great love for you, He gave His only begotten Son to love you now and for eternity. There is no greater love. And His love heals and moves us to love others.

In a culture searching for love, instead of turning to ourselves, turn to God, the author of love. Sologamy is just another misguided attempt to replace what God freely offers us. It is a man-made solution, another Tower of Babel in the quest to be whole. In the long run, it  won’t satisfy and bring you joy.