Most of my work has been talking to people who are unhappy, clinically depressed, highly anxious and traumatized. But out of that work, we can discover patterns that lead to feeling down or unhappy. Hear me though, I am not saying that people are not impacted by their genetics, life experiences and other major contributors to unhappiness-especially those things out of our control.  However, there are things we can do to contribute to our happiness or well-being. These are the things we do have control over.

1. This one involves worry–something I was guilty of for many years. It took me writing a book, Letting Go of Worry, to finally understand that I worried over things of which I had little control. Worry is the mental part of anxiety, the part you can control. If you don’t control it, worry can make you unhappy. But total control of life is an illusion. This is why Scripture directs us not to worry and relax in our faith as God is in control of our lives. He orders our steps if we are true to Him. Fundamentally, worry is doubt in God. Once I realized that, it changed my thinking. Worry takes you nowhere, but stress and anxiety and is a strong contributor to feeling bad. Let go of worry.
2. Hanging on to judgment when you fail or make a mistake. Again, guilty of this and not letting go. This is where a fixed vs growth mindset comes in to play. People with a fixed mindset allow failure to define them. People with a growth mindset use mistakes and failures as learning opportunities and then, move forward. Mentally beating yourself up for a mistake makes you miserable. Negative self-talk is not consistent with the way God sees us. When we consistently put ourselves down and don’t see the uniqueness of who we are or allow for mistakes and learning, we head down a negative emotional path. Change your thoughts when it comes to mistakes. Acknowledge them, confess them and repent if you need to, then let go and move on. Turn a mistake into both a learning and a growth experience.
3. Unrealistic expectations cause many people to feel sad and constantly let down. Regularly thinking about what people should do leaves you disappointed and discouraged. When you have high expectations for people, you are trying to control them. Then, when they disappoint, you feel terrible. We know how people should behave to be good people, but they don’t. So continuing to expect things that are not in your control creates anxiety and upset. Eventually you become resentful and maybe bitter. Lose those unrealistic expectations and pray for people instead.
4. Good intentions with no action leaves people feeling down and disappointed in themselves. I can’t tell you the number of people I see who have good intentions, but never get the job done. The key is to identify the barriers to reaching your goals. What gets in the way and how can you remove the barriers? Distraction and lack of discipline are two of the biggest barriers. What can you do to eliminate both? I was taught at an early age, first, do the thing that is hardest and you don’t like. That lesson has served me well in life. I don’t wait, I power through the dullest, hardest or even menial tasks that must get done. This brings greater satisfaction. And just because something doesn’t feel good doesn’t mean it isn’t important to do. Don’t lead with your feelings. Power through the difficult to reach your goals.

My challenge is this: See what happens when you tackle these 4 areas of your life. Most likely you will improve your mental and spiritual health.