It’s the beginning of a new year. Most of us will take a few moments to evaluate last year. Did we reach our goals? Did anything significant happen? How is your couple relationship? Is it boring, uninteresting, and feeling stale? Am I losing interest? Maybe, it’s time to shake things up a bit and put a little fun and excitement back into your relationship.

For most couples. day-to-day routines quickly render things mundane. Like the caged rat running on the wheel, you want to break out and do something different. Now, routines are comforting, but they get old: wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, interact with the kids, watch TV and go to bed. Rinse and repeat tomorrow.

And have you ever noticed this scene: A couple is out dining in a nice restaurant. Most of the evening, they don’t talk to each other. Instead, they are on their phones not interacting at all.  There is no conversation with the person right across the table.  To me, this signals a problem. The phone–a mere object–has their attention more than their partner does.

A survey by a group called Lasting found that only 34% of married people believed their marriage had a healthy emotional connection. Yet emotional connection is essential to sustain a marriage. Thankfully, you can improve emotional connection skills, e.g., listening, validating how your partner feels, asking open-ended questions, etc. You can also make a conscious decision to notice and respond to your partner.

Go ahead and appreciate familiarity, enjoy the comforts of routine, but prevent boredom by considering these tips:

1. Know what you partner loves and do it. For me, it’s travel. It takes me out of the mundane and brings novelty to the relationship. It doesn’t have to be long trips, maybe a short weekend getaway, but getting out of my routine is refreshing. So, talk to your partner. Find out what they like and intentionally work that into your schedule.
2. Add novelty. Novelty stimulates dopamine, a neurotransmitter that brings pleasure and the feelings of reward. Novelty is good for the brain and good for relationships. So what is something novel you can do? It doesn’t have to cost money. Things like finding a new bike trail, a picnic in your backyard, cooking a new recipe together–you get it, cheap and new.
3. Find ways to laugh together. Adding humor to a relationship makes it fun and a little more unpredictable. Find ways to laugh together. Maybe a movie, a funny game, charades, etc. Tickle each other. Make your partner laugh. Get silly and let go a bit. Humor is a good stress reliever as well.
4. Get active. Don’t give in to tiredness–it will make you even more tired. Instead, get active. Start walking, exercising, and being physical together. It’s easy to sit at home and get on a device, which is not interactive. Put down the electronics, turn off the TV and get outside or do something inside. Take on a home project, a new skill to learn or take a language class together. Make yourself move off the couch and your mood will improve as well. A better mood makes a better partner.
5. Be curious about your partner.  Discuss life goals and dreams and what you long to build together. Continue to get to know your partner as you grow together. Recently, I heard my husband telling a story I had never heard about his past. After all these years, I can still learn new things about him.
6. Get together with friends. Something about a group of friends brings out laughter and fun. I love inviting people to our home because, hey, people are interesting. And the diversity of friends we have brings new perspectives. Yet I find many couples are reluctant to host, feeling they aren’t good at it. It’s not that hard. Clean up your space, put out some food and just have fun. You could start a card group or some type of study as well.
7. Be affectionate. Not just in the bedroom but in surprising moments of the day or night. The other day, my husband brought home flowers. No reason, he just decided it would be a nice surprise and it was. Stop what you’re doing and give a hug or a kiss. Hold hands when walking and tell your partner why you appreciate them. It’s good medicine or a boring relationship.
8. Lose the self-focus. Instead, find new ways to serve in your relationship. Think about the needs of the relationship not just your own. What can you do to make things interesting? Often, this includes continuing to develop yourself as a person. Have interests and hobbies that add interest to your life in general and can be shared with another. Barry Corey, president of Biola University, wrote a blog on the virtue of boredom a few years ago. He defined boredom as “creating uninterrupted space without ‘connectivity’ to nurture relationships with ourselves, with others, with God.’ He thinks we may stay more connected to devices to not miss out—the old FOMO effect. Instead, we need conversations that build empathy and real connection. Boredom can be due to excessive self-focus. Instead of, “What do I need to feel better?” ask, “What does my relationship need to be more intimate?”
9. Be spiritually connected. Could you be spiritually restless and confusing that with boredom? Are you looking to things to satisfy your boredom and have wandered from the things of God and intimacy with him? Professor and blogger, Jared Wilson wrote, “When we are bored, it can only be because we have stopped looking at Jesus. He can’t be boring. If we find him boring, it’s because we are boring. The deficiency is ours, not his.” He’s making a point. When we don’t give our attention and affection to Christ, we’re really saying, “God, you’re not enough. I need something more.” The same is true of our marriage relationships. We stop giving our attention and affection to our spouse and indicate that we need something more. Grow your intimacy with Christ who must be at the center of your relationship. Spiritual intimacy will greatly improve your partner intimacy. Certainly, God is not boring. There is much to discover when it comes to His mysteries, love, and care for you. Embark on a Bible study together or a time of reading and reflection.