Words do hurt. Many of us have to de-program ourselves from negative messages that may or may not have been intended to hurt us or make us self-conscious but did. Hurtful words can impact our feelings of worth. You begin to doubt yourself and wonder if what is said is true about you.

The good news is that we can learn to be Teflon when it comes to hurtful words. Yes, we acknowledge the sting of hurtful words. But we have a choice. Do we allow others to define us and have power over us or will we walk in truth? Now, by truth, I mean God’s truth.

To walk in truth means not searching for approval from others. If you are a person of faith, God already approves you and assigns you worth for being created in His image. You don’t earn God’s approval through deeds or influence. He gives it freely and unconditionally. When that truth sinks in deep, it becomes the antidote to accepting hurtful words.

Ask yourself this: Why is someone else’s opinion so important? Usually, it is because we didn’t get approval from parents or important people in our lives growing up. Negative life experiences can lay the ground work for doubt as well. This does make us want someone to affirm us. It is a loss, but it doesn’t make you a victim. You don’t have to keep searching for worth. God already approves of you. He esteems you when others do not. C. S. Lewis reminds us in Mere Christianity, “Until you have given up yourself to Him, you will not have a real self…” Your real self is the one God defines. As your Creator, He approves of your design.

Affirmation in our culture is based on who you know, how much money and how many things you have and position-power, money and influence. But God’s kingdom doesn’t work like that. He is a caring Father who accepts you as you are. Yes, he desires you live in constant communication with Him, but His grace and mercy are part of the journey. And His approval should be all that matters. At the end of the day, if you can say, I pleased God in my actions, mind and heart today, this is what matters. If not, His grace will help move you forward in the life of faith. He is routing for you and looks at the heart, not the outward appearance. This is such a contrast to our culture.

Finally, God often brings people into our lives as friends, mentors, coaches, teachers, or just special people who can be trusted and provide a basis for the love and kindness we may have missed growing up. These people are reminders of God’s care and concern for us.

If you have been hurt by words, beaten down by those who tell you that you are not good enough, stop giving them power in your life. Look to the One who values you no matter what. Read his words to you in the Bible and saturate your mind with how God thinks about you–you are loved, cherished, not forgotten or abandoned, delighted over, a child of His, and more. Renew your mind daily with truth and stop listening to lies from broken or negative people.