Mark decided he wanted to buy a new car. His wife Sharon told him she was uncomfortable with buying a car right now. Mark didn’t give much credence to her point of view. In fact, he  said, “You are wrong” and then became highly defensive. He told Sharon she was overly concerned about money. Sharon tried to explain snd gave examples of why the purchase was ill-timed, but Mark still refused to acknowledge her input.

Is Mark being stubborn? Is his refusal to listen and acknowledge Sharon’s thinking harming their marriage?

Should Sharon just chalk it up to Mark being Mark and accept his stubbornness?

The answers to these questions matter. There is an important power dynamic at play. Mark’s refusal to accept his wife’s influence will impact the relationship negatively.

Marital researcher John Gottman and his colleagues found that men who accept their wives’ influence have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce. And the reverse is also true, wives who honor and respect their husbands and allow them to influence their decisions have better marriages.

Accepting influence from a partner reflects the the power dynamic between a couple. When you listen and take to heart what your partner says, you are basically saying, “I respect you and value what you have to say.” And when you feel heard and valued in a relationship, the relationship is healthy.

So men, if you refuse to accept the influence of your partner in decision making and power sharing, your marriage will probably experience problems. Accepting influence creates positive feelings that help to solve problems, but also boosts the marital friendship. Also, when conflict doesn’t escalate to a negative place, relationships do better. And part of that process is to deal with problems by listening to the other person’s input and accepting their influence.