Thanksgiving is just around the corner, but for Tim, the stress has already begun. One family member is boycotting the dinner due to political differences, while others are squabbling over logistics and what to bring. Instead of a joyful occasion to give thanks, the holiday feels like a powder keg ready to explode. Old grievances are surfacing, and difficult people are making it hard to feel the holiday spirit.

The truth is, you can’t change someone else’s behavior. But what you can control is how you respond. Here are 7 pointers to help you navigate holiday gatherings with difficult people while keeping your cool and maintaining your peace of mind:

1. Reflect and Understand

Take a moment to consider why this person may be difficult. I’m not suggesting you excuse bad behavior, but understanding why someone acts the way they do can give you a sense of compassion. Perhaps they’ve experienced trauma, stress at work, or unresolved issues from their past. People don’t wake up one day deciding to be difficult—it’s often the result of deeper struggles. Reflect on their situation to help you respond with empathy rather than frustration.

2. Remain Calm—No Matter What

This is your top priority. If you’re being criticized or blamed, resist the urge to retaliate or match their intensity. When emotions are high, it’s easy to get caught up in the drama, but staying calm is a powerful act of self-control. Take a deep breath, step back if needed, and remember this simple phrase: “I’m sorry you feel that way.” You can also pray for patience and clarity—asking God to help you see the situation from His perspective can be a transformative approach.

3. Find Common Ground

The holidays are not the time to tackle contentious issues like politics, religion, or world events. Instead, focus on topics that engage and uplift everyone. Find shared interests, positive memories, or lighthearted subjects that bring people together. Keeping the conversation positive and encouraging will help reduce tension and shift the mood toward harmony.

4. Know Your Triggers and Prepare

We all have things that push our buttons, and holiday gatherings are prime opportunities for triggers to surface. The key is preparation. Before you gather, think about what tends to set you off—whether it’s certain topics, behaviors, or attitudes—and plan how you’ll respond. If a situation begins to escalate, have a go-to response like, “I think we’re both upset right now. Let’s take a break and come back to this when we’re calmer.” Practice saying it calmly so it feels natural.

5. Treat Others the Way You Want to Be Treated

It’s easy to mirror someone else’s bad behavior, but that rarely leads to positive outcomes. Be the mature, kind one in the room. Avoid calling someone out for being “difficult,” as that will only escalate tensions. Instead, stay focused on facts, stay neutral in tone, and don’t respond emotionally. Model the behavior you want to see in others.

6. Set Boundaries

Holiday gatherings with difficult people often mean testing your limits. It’s important to set boundaries early on—and to stick to them. Be respectful but firm, and don’t allow others to walk all over you. For example, if someone is pushing you into an uncomfortable conversation or making unreasonable demands, politely but firmly say, “I’d prefer not to discuss that right now,” or, “I can’t take that on today.”

7. Forgive as Many Times as Needed

Forgiveness is essential, especially when dealing with difficult people. As followers of Christ, we are called to forgive, not just once but as many times as needed. Forgiveness is not about excusing bad behavior—it’s about releasing the power that offense has over you. It may take practice, but remember, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself as much as to others.

Holidays are meant to be a time for celebration, connection, and gratitude. While you can’t control the actions of others, you can choose how to respond. By staying calm, setting healthy boundaries, and offering forgiveness, you can create a more peaceful and joyful atmosphere, no matter who is at the table.