I had a conversation the other day about childhood and its impact on who we are today. One of the topics that came up was the lack of compliments or praise given to a child. The person reflected on how something as simple as complimenting a child could have long-term effects later in life. She was right. When praise and genuine compliments are missing during our formative years, it can show up in surprising ways during adulthood.

Praise and compliments play a crucial role in a child’s development, particularly in building self-esteem. Without these affirmations, a child may grow up feeling unrecognized or undervalued, which can influence relationships and emotional well-being well into adulthood.

Two Major Impacts of Missing Praise in Childhood:

1. Self-Esteem Issues:

This is one of the most significant and immediate effects of missing praise. Children thrive on recognition, and when they don’t receive it, they may develop a sense of not being good enough. This feeling can cut even deeper, fostering a sense of unworthiness that follows them into adulthood. And they can seek praise in the wrong places. Praise helps to shape a child’s sense of self and reinforces positive behavior. Without it, children may experience heightened levels of anxiety and self-doubt, both of which persist throughout their lives.

Furthermore, many individuals who did not receive praise as children may feel uncomfortable when they do receive compliments as adults. The desire for affirmation becomes a constant need. While they may yearn for validation, they aren’t accustomed to it, and that internal tension can create an unhealthy dependency on praise. This leads them to constantly work harder and harder to earn recognition, making the validation they do receive feel fleeting and insufficient.

2. Feeling Never Good Enough:

When a child grows up without receiving adequate praise, they often strive for external success, hoping that achievement will fill the void left by lack of validation. However, when they do accomplish something significant, they may find it difficult to fully embrace their success. The ability to enjoy personal accomplishments or accept compliments can feel awkward or undeserved.

In many cases, a person might feel guilty for their success or downplay its importance, thinking, “This success is fleeting. I need to keep pushing or I’ll lose it.” This mentality prevents them from savoring the positive moment and often leads them to focus on the next goal instead of celebrating their achievements. This constant drive to prove oneself and to gain external validation leaves little room for self-acceptance and inner peace.

Spiritual Help

Despite the lack of important praise in childhood, a spiritual antidote is available. A personal relationship with Christ can remedy the lack of a “good parent” when it comes to praise. God affirms you, praises you and loves you unconditionally. His desire to work all things for you good and be ever present. God is a more powerful and a corrective force to so many things in our lives that may be missing. As we grow intimate with Him, His power transforms us. Despite our beginnings, His word and presence can heal the void and fill any longing. Your worth is already decided because you are His child. Look to His Word to know what He says about you and how He values you.

Summing It Up

The absence of praise during childhood can have far-reaching consequences that extend well into adulthood. When children grow up without recognition, they may develop serious self-esteem issues that shape their adult behaviors, relationships, and emotional well-being. Evidence-based research in child development suggests that praise is integral to building a child’s sense of self-worth and emotional resilience. Lack of it can foster deep-rooted feelings of anxiety, a pervasive fear of never being “good enough,” and a continual quest for external validation that prevents individuals from enjoying their own success.

As adults, we may find ourselves constantly striving for something we never learned to give ourselves: genuine self-affirmation through our value in Christ. Rebuilding that sense of self-worth is possible, but it requires self-compassion, awareness, a strong spiritual life, and the willingness to accept and celebrate our successes, however small they may seem. Cultivating self-acceptance is not just about receiving praise but learning to value ourselves for who we are—not just for what we achieve.

Ultimately, praise and compliments are not just simple acts of kindness but essential tools for developing emotionally healthy individuals. It’s never too late to start recognizing our worth as image bearers of Christ.