Rachel’s friend told her she was co-dependent. She found that hard to believe until her friend asked her these questions:

Do you often put the needs of others before your own? Is your relationship feeling one-sided? Do you find it difficult to express your opinions or fear that others won’t like you if you disagree? Is your mood constantly influenced by someone else’s emotions?

Co-dependency often stems from past trauma, low self-esteem, and poor boundaries. When you feel unworthy or not good enough to stand up for yourself, it can lead to co-dependent behaviors. The good news is that recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free and transforming your relationships.

Here are 10 actionable steps to help you break the cycle of co-dependency:

1. Prioritize Your Needs

Stop ignoring your own needs or dismissing them as unimportant. Healthy relationships should be balanced, not one-sided. If you constantly put others first, you’ll eventually feel resentful. Make sure your needs are met too and communicate them openly.

2. Expand Your Social Circle

A great way to break the co-dependency cycle is to build relationships outside of the one that feels imbalanced. Join a group, volunteer at your church, or spend time with friends. Engaging with others will help you gain a fresh perspective and build confidence.

3. Shift Your Mindset

If you tend to think negatively about yourself or your relationships, work on shifting to more positive and empowering thoughts. Don’t let one negative voice keep you stuck in unhealthy patterns. Challenge those thoughts and replace them with more self-affirming ones and the truth of God’s Word.

4. Establish Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial for breaking free from co-dependency. Know where your needs end and where the other person’s needs begin. It’s okay to say no, and it’s important to stop overcommitting or sacrificing your own well-being to please others.

5. Keep Moving Forward in Your Own Life

Don’t put your own goals, dreams, or purpose on hold. Evaluate your life’s calling and take steps toward your own personal growth and fulfillment. Your relationship should support your life path, not hinder it.

6. Find Joy Within Yourself and Your Spiritual Life

Your happiness shouldn’t depend solely on another person. Cultivate a deep connection with your spiritual life, and find joy, peace, and strength through your relationship with God. A healthy sense of self-worth should come from within, not from external sources.

7. Practice Self-Care Without Guilt

Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for your well-being. Whether it’s a quiet moment alone or in prayer, a hobby you enjoy, or just resting, make self-care a priority and let go of any guilt you may feel.

8. Spend Time Alone and Rediscover Yourself

Take some time to reflect on who you are outside of your relationship. It’s important to know yourself first so that you can be a stronger, healthier partner. A strong relationship is built on two individuals who are secure in their own identities.

9. Resist Blame, Victimhood, and Guilt Trips

Don’t let others blame you for their issues or manipulate you with guilt trips. Take responsibility for your actions, but don’t internalize the blame for others’ problems. Stay grounded in your own truth and don’t let others project their emotional baggage onto you.

10. Recognize Your Worth

Your worth is not defined by others. You are valuable because you are created in God’s image, and you deserve to be treated with love and respect. Don’t allow others to dictate your sense of self-worth. Only God gets that job and He values you.

Stopping co-dependency isn’t easy, but it’s entirely possible with self-awareness, commitment, and support. By implementing these steps, you can begin to build healthier, more balanced relationships that nurture both you and those you care about. Remember, a healthy relationship begins with a healthy you.