Quarantine has its moments for most of us. But what happens when home is not a nice place? As frustrations, stress and financial strain grow, coping breaks down – a little push, then a shove, and a punch on the arm. When some families spend lots of time together, conditions are ripe for violence to flourish. And we are seeing it. Hotlines are lighting up with abuse reports. Homes can become a place of intimate terror.

Being confined in small spaces for 24 hours a day with little to do gives incredible control to abusers. Since abuse is all about power and control, abusers have the isolation they desire. They also have rules in their head as to how others should behave. Insults, demeaning comments, intimidation and threats are ways they call the shots. And when someone in the family doesn’t behave the way they think is right, violence often erupts.

Mary (not her real name) says her abuser withholds hand sanitizer and disinfectants, making it difficult to leave her small space. In addition, he uses scare tactics to make her fearful and dependent on him during this time. He holds her insurance card and tells her that if she gets sick she is not going to the hospital. And last night, he accused her of trying to infect him with the virus and then, beat her.

Mary has been hesitant to call a shelter. She doesn’t want to be around strangers in close quarters because of the virus.  But things have gotten so bad, she made the call only to find out the shelters in her area were full. Her family lives in another state and is too far away to travel. She feels stuck, alone, and worries about the escalation of physical harm.

People like Mary need a safety plan and can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).  They will personalize a safety plan with you.  The hotline provides safety plans for living with an abuser, safety with children, for pets, pregnancy and more. So, they can tailor the plan to your situation. In addition, they provide help how to leave a relationship and avail legal advice. If you don’t feel it is safe to call, try the 24/7 chat line. And if you are a friend or family member concerned about a loved one, you can call the hotline too.

Additional Resources:

Crisis Text Line-Text HOME to 74174

National Sexual Assault Hotline is 24/7, confidential and free:800.656.HOPE (4673) and through chat.

Deaf Hotline is available 24/7 through video phone (1-855-812-1001), email and chat for Deaf, DeafBlind, DeafDisabled survivors.

National Parent Helpline Monday -Friday 12pm-9am CT emotional support and advocacy for parents:1–855-427-2736

StrongHearts Native Helpline for domestic/sexual violence is available 7am-10pm CT, confidential, and specifically for Native communities:1−844-762-8483