Are you easily angered?

Do you have a low tolerance for frustration?

Does any little thing annoy and frustrate you?

Are you tired of feeling out of control?

If so, consider this. Some people are born more edgy and irritable. You see this in children. You can tell the ones who cry more often and appear easily frustrated. As toddlers they are cranky and prone to upset. Researchers think  genetics or physiology may predispose some people to be angrier than others. Then later in life, our culture also plays a role in the ways we express anger. Regularly we witness people throwing things, yelling, getting their way at the expense of others, hurting others. Basically, anything goes. Desk rage, air rage and road rage are all around us. The message is to just release that pent up anger. You’ll feel better. Actually, studies tell us you won’t!

Family is also a source for learning anger management.  A family that is disruptive, chaotic and doesn’t know how to handle the emotion of anger creates angry people. You learn what you see. If family members are out of control and have no skills to manage anger, you will follow their lead unless you make intentional changes. Rest assured, you can be different.

No matter  the source of our anger, we are responsible for what we do with it.

For years people were encouraged to give physical release to their anger, to “get it out of their system”. Hit something, punch a pillow or a punching bag. Yell, scream and vent those angry feelings. Research tells us this is not a good idea. When people lash out with angry behavior, it actually escalates their anger and doesn’t really calm them down!

So give your pillow a much needed rest and try these 5 soul strategies instead:

1) Take a 20 minute time-out from an angry situation. Walk away. Then practice deep breathing to calm down your body. Come back to the situation once you are physically relaxed.You won’t handle anger well when your emotions run high. Why? Because emotional arousal stops your thinking brain from taking over.

2) Take each thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). Angry emotions are rooted in angry thoughts. Therefore, stop angry thoughts. The more you ruminate on anger thoughts, the worse you will feel. Instead, think on something more positive or good (Philippians 4:8). Shift your thinking to a positive thought in the middle of anger to distract the brain. That distraction will help calm you down.

3) Choose not to take offense. Even if offense was given, it is your decision to own it or lose it. Notice this is a choice. So always err on the side of giving mercy to others. Refuse the offense and you will feel free from resentment.

4) When you are the target of injustice, do the unnatural but biblical thing-pray for that person (Matthew 5:44). I admit, this isn’t easy to do. It is radical but biblical. Jesus instructed us to bless those who curse us and pray for those who spitefully use us. Engage your will to be obedient to these truths. Again, this is freeing for you.

5) Choose to forgive. Because God forgave you, you must forgive others. It’s a biblical mandate (Matthew 18:21-22). Forgiveness is an act of obedience to God and helps prevent bitterness from forming. Sometimes, forgiveness takes  awhile in terms of your emotions. But you can choose to forgive immediately and ask God for the grace to work through the feelings.  Over time, your emotions will catch up.

Always remember. You are the only one who has control over your responses. An angry emotion may creep up, but how you handle it is what counts. The biblical directive is to be angry and not sin (Ephesians 4:26). The way we meet that requirement is to respond in a godly way no matter what the source of the anger. Paul sums it up in Romans 12:19-21 (NLT) ” Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written: “I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it, says the Lord.” Instead do what Paul prescribes: “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink, and they will be ashamed of what they have done to you. Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good.”

Click here for my small book, Breaking Free from Anger and Unforgiveness