Christmas is almost here, but so many people feel anxious about getting together with family or attending holiday parties and events.  Aunt Rita will ask the typical questions, “Why are you still single?” Uncle John wonders, “When will you get a job that pays something?” Your co-worker will drink too much and become loud and obnoxious, and angry conversations over politics will likely ensue.

People can be difficult. We encounter them everywhere: family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, bosses. Typically, they are critical, irritating, annoying, gossip or  create drama. During the holidays, long-simmering tensions often come to a head. This is because difficult people have trouble regulating their emotions. They view any conflict as a personal attack but also create conflict by their behavior.  So during the holidays, make a plan and control your reaction to those difficult people in your life. Here are 7 tips that will help:

• Try empathy. Start by asking yourself how this person became so difficult People don’t wake up one day and say, “Hey, I want to be a difficult person.” Did they have a troubled childhood? Have they been hurt in some way? Is there a family issue? Are they under tremendous stress? If you know their story, it could you make you more empathetic. Now, that doesn’t mean you excuse bad behavior. But at least, it may help you realize why they are so difficult.
• Stay calm. If someone blames or criticizes you, don’t match their intensity. In other words, try not to react. Take a timeout if needed. Sometimes “the feeling part of your brain gets triggered, and the thinking part goes offline. When that happens, distract your brain by counting to 10, take deep breathes or pray for self-control. The Serenity Prayer reminds us,“God, help me to not react and to see them as a person made in your image.”
• Focus on a positive. Try to find something likeable, admirable, or simply positive about the difficult person. Is there anything you might share-a love for sports, playing games, helping older people, etc. If so, bring that front and center during holiday conversations. The more positivity you build, the better.
• Know what triggers you: When you know what pushes your buttons, prepare your reaction ahead of time. In fact, you can role-ploay what you might say and how you might handle the situation. This way, you are not simply reacting to the moment.
• Don’t say to the person, “You are difficult.” When you are frustrated, it is tempting to blurt out how difficult the person is, but this usually backfires. You are not going to get anywhere by fighting back. Nothing will change.
• Set boundaries. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, conflicts escalate. Name-calling, violence and other forms of abuse are never acceptable. That’s when you need to set boundaries and say, ‘This is not okay.’ Difficult people will test those boundaries and keep pushing you. Stand your ground. You can’t make someone change, but you can respond in a firm manner and not continue to be treated poorly.
• When all else fails, you may need to cut ties with a difficult person. Even then, maintain a forgiving attitude. Think about Jesus’ words during the sermon on the mount. He told us to  love our enemies and pray for those who curse us. This is not easy, but it focuses our heart away from anger and to the healing of the hurting person. They need help. So, don’t hold on to offense and resentment as it impacts your health and well-being. Ultimately, forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.