The other day, I read a bizarre story in People magazine about a dad who drugged his daughter’s sleepover friends. He pleaded guilty and has been sentenced to prison for 2 years. The article said he had remorse and was sorry. Well, I suppose that is something! But you have to wonder why a dad would resort to such an inexcusable action. And that, to me, is what interested me about this story.

According to the report, the dad’s 12-year-old daughter had a sleep over and invited several of her girlfriends. Apparently, he set up activities for the girls to do. It sounded like a fun day. As evening approached, the dad whipped up some fruit smoothies for the girls. But here is where the story becomes disturbing. He then spiked the smoothies with a benzodiazepine. Benzodiazepines are a prescribed sedative for anxiety and insomnia. The girls had no idea what was in those smoothies.

One girl reportedly drank 2 smoothies, another drank one. When one of the girls didn’t want to drink much of her smoothie, the father allegedly got upset with her. The spiked smoothies did their job and put the girls asleep. The dad checked on the girls to make sure they were asleep, lifting an arm and  putting a finger under a nose. The girl who wasn’t asleep (because she didn’t drink her smoothie) pretended to be as the dad was checking their status and watching them. She felt so uncomfortable that when he left the room, she texted her mom to come and get her. Three of the girls and the dad’s daughter later tested positive for the benzodiazepine when they were taken to a hospital.

There is no question that intentionally drugging your daughter and her friends at a sleep over to make them go to sleep is wrong and creepy. He endangered the welfare of minors. But his rationale for why he did this is just as concerning. He says he did it to make sure the girls went to sleep by 11:00p.m. He wanted them quiet so he could go to sleep. His parenting solution was to drug children so he and they could sleep. And he made sure they drank the drinks in order to be drugged.

All I can say is, wow, this appeared to be an intentional parenting strategy and well thought out. So it made me wonder. How often are children ignored or given a distraction (hopefully not drugged)  to be out of the way of their parents so parents can do what they want? Are we so “me” focused that we don’t think about the needs of our children? Do we get them out of our way by handing them an iPad, sending them to a room to play video games, or letting them watch endless hours of media so we can have our own time?

Maybe a take away from this nightmare sleepover is to rethink how children fit into our lives. Parenting is a sacrifice on many levels. You don’t always get good sleep-my teens always wanted to talk at midnight! And you don’t get to do what you want most days.

This story is also a wake up call to 1) Know the parents and family if you decide a sleep over is OK. Check them out and find out who is home. The story had no mention of a mom present.  2) Tell your children to text you to come get them if they feel uncomfortable at any time. Thankfully the one girl did text her mom and that mom was able to mobilize the other parents.  3) If you are unsure of other families, offer to host children at your house.

In terms of parenting, do some soul searching regarding your own habits with your children. Are you quick to brush them aside and provide distractions to give yourself more “me time?

Or are you actively engaging in every moment you can with your children, knowing they will not be with you for long. Do you recognize that your parenting will often require sacrifice for their sake?

I hope this father has lots of time in prison to think about the WHY of his action and make significant changes. In the meantime, it’s a lesson for all of us to think about our priorities with our children.

.