Every couple knows that certain topics can ignite a spark—some lead to deep conversations, while others can turn into heated debates. If you’re looking to ruffle some feathers or simply test the waters of your partner’s patience, I’ve compiled a list of classic conversation starters and responses that are sure to elicit a reaction. But be warned: these phrases may lead to more than just a lively discussion! Choose your words wisely, and prepare for the fallout.

1) We need to talk. Yes, it’s also the title of one of my books! While this phrase is often essential for navigating relationship challenges, it’s rarely greeted with enthusiasm. For many, those four words signal an impending problem—one that might be uncomfortable to discuss. Although it can be unsettling, initiating this conversation is crucial for fostering intimacy and resolving issues. So, go ahead and use the phrase, but don’t expect your partner to be overjoyed! It’s a necessary step in working through any difficulties together.

2) I may have thrown it away. I don’t remember.  This vague response can raise red flags. Are you genuinely unsure, or were you secretly hoping to get rid of something you didn’t want cluttering the house? Honesty is key here. Disposing of that beloved leather ball, the snug college shirt, or that worn-out coat might have been intentional, but you likely expected a backlash. Instead, try being direct: “I did throw it away. Are you upset?” Even better, consider asking upfront, “I want to get rid of this—are you okay with that?” This approach opens the door for a more constructive conversation.

3) Would you ever marry if something happened to me, and who would that be? This question rarely leads to a productive conversation, so it’s best to avoid it altogether. If something were to happen to you, you wouldn’t be there to witness the outcome, making the speculation pointless. Plus, contemplating who your partner might end up with can stir up feelings of insecurity and jealousy. In this case, it’s definitely a “don’t ask, don’t tell” situation!

4) Are you gaining weight? This question is rarely appropriate. While asking about weight loss might be well-intentioned, questioning someone about weight gain can be hurtful. If the answer is “yes,” they’re likely already feeling self-conscious and don’t need any additional reminders. If the answer is “no,” it can still come off as an unintentional jab. It’s best to keep such thoughts to yourself and focus on supporting your partner in a more positive way.

5) Admit it, your mother doesn’t like me. This statement is fraught with tension and can lead to unnecessary conflict. Instead of putting your partner on the spot, focus on fostering a healthier relationship. If you sense that their mother is not fond of you, encourage your partner to address the issue based on their own perceptions, rather than voicing your own opinions. It’s best to stay out of the middle and support your partner in navigating their relationship struggles. If the topic arises, ask them what makes them feel that way about their mother. This opens up a dialogue where you can explore underlying reasons and find constructive ways to address them together.