Holly couldn’t quite pinpoint the reason, but whenever she found herself in emotionally charged situations, she felt an overwhelming urge to escape. Conflict and negativity were triggers she instinctively avoided. Through therapy, she discovered that this aversion stemmed from her upbringing—her parents had consistently overlooked her fundamental emotional needs.

The term “emotional neglect” is one we hear often. It covers a broad range of behaviors but generally means not attuning to someone’s emotional needs. When someone is emotionally neglected, they lack support, validation, and attention. The normal nurturing and engagement needed to grow into a healthy emotionally regulated person is missing.

Emotional neglect in childhood often carries into adult relationships. This can manifest as heightened reactions to stress or a tendency to avoid negative emotions, much like Holly. Adults who experienced emotional neglect frequently struggle with trust and communication; they weren’t taught to recognize or express their feelings, making it difficult to navigate their emotions and connect with others.

Identifying and regulating emotions is crucial for healthy relationships. As a result, the fallout from emotional neglect often includes low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness, and isolation. This neglect significantly hinders the ability to form intimate connections with others. Because emotional neglect can be subtle and difficult to recognize, its impact is often overlooked.

Here are 5 signs that emotional neglect may be at the root of relationship difficulties:

1. Struggles with Relationship Development: Building and maintaining adult relationships can be challenging due to a lack of trust and feelings of insecurity. Vulnerability, which is essential for intimacy, often feels too risky.
2. Feelings of Isolation and Low Self-Esteem: A history of emotional neglect can lead to isolation and a diminished sense of self-worth. The absence of emotional support may leave you feeling inadequate and unworthy of healthy attention from others.
3. Difficulty Identifying Emotions: If you grew up without emotionally responsive adults, recognizing and expressing your feelings as an adult can be tough. Your emotions might feel chaotic and hard to regulate.
4. Persistent Worry and Anxiety: Childhood emotional neglect can contribute to ongoing feelings of anxiety and depression. Without proper coping mechanisms modeled in youth, managing stress can feel overwhelming.
5. Perfectionism as a Coping Mechanism: Emotional neglect can lead to perfectionism as a way to combat feelings of inadequacy. This drive to earn your worth through flawless performance can become a deeply ingrained pattern.

Childhood emotional neglect often involves the absence of support, making it more difficult to recognize. However, it is possible to cultivate awareness and attunement to others’ emotions. Healthy emotional responses can be identified and practiced, and emotional intelligence can be developed. With effort, you can build safe, responsive relationships that foster connection and understanding.

Ultimately, your spiritual life can be a powerful source of healing. God cares deeply about your emotions—after all, He created them! Developing a relationship with Him can offer a corrective experience for the wounds of emotional neglect. God is a safe refuge who will never reject you or shame you. You don’t need to earn His favor; you already possess His unmerited grace.

Finally, you are loved, accepted, and valued simply because you belong to Him. His Spirit within you empowers you to face challenges and fosters self-control. Christian counseling can help you gain a deeper understanding of God’s character as the “good parent.” As you cultivate intimacy with Christ, you’ll develop the skills to be more emotionally responsive. The more attuned you become to His Spirit, the better you’ll be able to connect with others.