Have you heard the old Jewish Proverb that says, “No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen.” It’s so true. If you don’t have good listening skills, you will struggle in life.

Listening is such a vital relationship skill that numerous books have been dedicated to it. When people truly listen, it fosters a sense of understanding and makes the speaker feel valued. It conveys genuine interest and care, creating a deeper connection. Because of its profound impact, effective listening can either strengthen or undermine relationships.

In Stephen Covey’s classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, one of his core principles is, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This emphasizes the importance of truly listening to others instead of just planning your response. By focusing on understanding their perspective first, you foster more meaningful and effective communication.

If you are not convinced as to how important listening is, here is a sample of what the Bible has to say, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,…(James 1:19). Proverbs 18:13 reminds us not to answer before listening. When we do, it is “folly and shame.”

Bonhoeffer connects the act of listening to others with the practice of listening to God. “He who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either; he will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God too. This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual life… Anyone who thinks that his time is too valuable to spend keeping quiet will eventually have no time for God and his brother, but only for himself and for his own follies.”

To hone your listening skills, here are 5 tips:

1. To deepen your understanding of someone, ask open-ended questions instead of yes-or-no questions. This approach allows you to discover much more about the person’s thoughts and feelings.
2. Use reflection statements like, “It sounds like…” or “What I’m hearing is…” to repeat what you’ve heard. This shows that you’re engaged and truly listening.
3. At the end of your conversation, summarize what you’ve discussed. This gives the other person a chance to validate or clarify your understanding, ensuring accuracy in communication.
4. Avoid interrupting. Let the person express their thoughts and emotions fully before seeking clarification on anything that isn’t clear.
5. Remember that listening goes beyond words—pay attention to nonverbal cues as well. If their body language doesn’t align with their words, pause, and inquire about the disconnect.

Once you develop strong listening skills, there will be moments when the most impactful thing you can do is simply listen to someone who is hurting or needs to express themselves. Lean in, make eye contact, and be present for their pain. This act alone can provide significant healing and comfort. By practicing the art of listening, you can harness its power to enhance all your relationships, including your connection with God.