Doing Life Together

It’s not uncommon to hear someone say, “He/she is emotionally abusive,” but what does that really mean? Just because someone is negative or says things you don’t like, doesn’t mean they are emotionally abusive. If you hurt because of a break-up, have an argument, or someone yells, that is not abuse. But when the volume…

John called his parents one night and told them he was coming home from college. He couldn’t take the pressure and stress anymore. The college counselor said he was struggling with high anxiety. John’s parents were stunned. John had always been a high achiever. He wanted to go to college. They had no idea how…

“I’ve asked my ex spouse to please pick up the kids at the house at 6:00 for the weekend, but he doesn’t follow through.” “She says she will have the children ready for their visit, but they aren’t ready.” ” I just want him to do what he says and not always make me the…

We all know worry is not good for us. It takes a toll on our physical health, it creates anxiety and gets in the way of moving forward. But why do we worry when we know this is problematic? The answer is the same for any dysfunctional behavior that we hang on to and do…

Mother’s Day is almost here. Are you dreading it or looking forward to it? All over this county, moms will be receiving flowers, candy and going out to dinner. There will be special celebrations and multiple ways to honor our moms. But the day is more than a Hallmark Card. It’s a day to take…

Jan repeatedly asks her husband not to leave his briefcase by the bedroom door. But every day when he comes home, he drops it right where she said not to. So she repeats the request. He agrees he won’t do it again. But he does. This night, Jan tripped over the case and stubbed her…

Student doctors get all excited when a patient tells them he or she wants to stop drinking or using drugs. Of course, we all like to hear that news. But what they don’t realize early in their training is that it takes more than desire or intention to stop an addiction. The work that has…

Something is really bothering you. So you complain. Complaints are about the difference we see between our expectations and reality. We expect something and then it doesn’t come true. But does complaining really help? After all, it is  easy to complain and it comes naturally to many of us. Has complaining  become a habit like brushing your teeth? Are you so used…

Most of you won’t remember the old Newlywed Game that aired on television years ago. The goal of the game was to win by guessing your spouse’s right answer to a number of questions. If you matched answers, you could win the game. The game tested how well you knew the person you recently married. We all…

When Mike and Jan sat in my office for couples counseling, I knew they were on a slippery slope. They were doing the one thing marriages can’t tolerate. Jan rolled her eyes every time Mike brought up a complaint and responded, “Whatever.”  John responded with an insult. Then came name-calling, mocking and complete disrespect for one…

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