I wrote last week, “if you want to be loved, be loving.”  Today, this 52nd day of the “Give-Back Diet,” let’s expand on a technique I’ve learned for offering love to others, in a way that they need — listening.

We live in a world that is very fast paced, and getting faster every minute.  Many of us are stressed and multitasking in order to keep up.  Lots and lots of us have no time to spare in our hectic schedules, especially little time for listening.

Yet, one of the most important aspects of life is to be able to express our unique God-given individualities.  We have a built-in need to show and tell others, and the world, how we are and what we do.  After all, we are living, acting, beings.

I’ve also learned that one of the keys to being happy, healthy and functional in life is to be heard by others.  When we are paid attention to – we thrive.  When someone takes the time to value us, and our thoughts and opinions, we feel good and important.

A big way to “Give-Back” to others, and the world, is to take time to listen.  Making an effort to really value and consider someone is a great act of unconditional love.  Giving someone some attention also helps us: it takes away the focus on our own problems and needs, for a moment suspending them in time, and building love between mutual creatures of God.

ACTION PLAN:

— Take time to really listen to someone today.  It could be an arranged meeting, a plan for a good conversation over coffee or salad.  Make the time: your gift of listening might be impromptu – just really stopping your own talking for a moment, putting yourself aside, in favor of really listing to, and hearing someone.

— While you are listening attentively, do a trick called “mirroring.”  I learned this from a book and TV series, “Getting the Love You Want” with Dr. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt.  A series I collaborated with them to produce.  Mirroring is simple: just easily paraphrase back what you heard the other person say.  For example:

    Sender:  “The sky is blue, and a little cloudy.”
    You: “Oh, you’re saying it’s a blue sky with a cloud or two.  Makes sense.”

Often the sender will not even know you’re doing this, if you make it subtle.  It’s all about really getting the point of what your friend is saying, and reflecting it back to them.  It lets them know you’re really paying attention, really considering, and totally hearing them.  

That’s a truly great feeling – when someone cares enough about you to give you the gift of their attention.  It makes us feel loved.  People will respond and Give-Back to you, too.

NOW – let us all give YOU the gift of our attention.  We will read what you post in a comment below!  Also, let’s continue to “mirror” others in our comments.  Some of you do this already, and when I read it, my heart sings!

If you are new to this column, and new to the Give-Back Diet, welcome!  Please take a look at the whole program here.