Uncomfy as I feel opening such a squirmy can of worms when I’m not a mom myself, I do think parenting ethics ought to be covered by this blog, so I’m going to throw the story out there to you all.

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Personally, while I had a very strong reaction when I first read this essay a few weeks back in the Motherlode blog, my own feeling was more of a legal outrage than a lack of sympathy for her predicament. Ms. Tedaldi signed a contract. She shouldn’t have done so if she couldn’t hold up her end of the bargain. Biological moms don’t get to hand back their unsatisfactory children; why should adoptive ones? 

Then again, we make “forever” vows about marriage too, and so many of us divorce… but in that case, one of the parties isn’t a helpless minor we’ve agreed to parent.

I’m glad she did due diligence finding “D” a new family, but who is to say they’ll be able to bond with him any better? 

My bottom line: I’m feeling judgmental about what Anita Tedaldi chose to do; mostly because I don’t think she was emotionally prepared to handle the worst case scenario of an adoption, no matter what counseling she had leading up to it. (I also can’t help wondering if a book deal is in the offing, considering that the essay was so controversial for her in the NY Times a few weeks ago, and now she is following it up with a TV appearance…. I smell a publicity stunt somewhere in here, and that doesn’t do much to arouse my sympathies.)

But in the end, while I judge her, I don’t judge her to the point where I want to throw stones and/or burn her at the stake. I’m sure the decision wasn’t arrived at lightly, and I’m grieved for the pain suffered all around.