“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.” – Henry Winkler

Relationships aren’t easy. The good news however is that humans have been messing them up for thousands of years now. And as a result, there’s no shortage of advice on the subject.

When it comes to a relationship, it’s not always what you do but what you don’t do that counts. Here are eight examples of what not to do if you want to have a healthy relationship.

1. Expecting Perfection

Unless you’re perfect, which you’re not, expecting perfection from either your partner or your relationship is always going to end in tears.

Humans are inherently flawed. And when two of them become intimately involved, such flaws automatically enter the relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting the best in life. But it’s important to be realistic. And expecting perfect partners or perfect relationships is the opposite of being realistic.

2. No Alone Time

Regardless of how much you love your partner, you need alone time. And if you think you don’t, you can rest assured that your partner disagrees.

Humans need time alone to process their thoughts. They also need a social life that consists of more than one person.

When your partner asks you for space or simply wants to socialize without you, don’t take it personally. It’s actually good for your relationship.

3. Not Thinking

In the heat of the moment, it’s very easy to say things that we don’t mean. Unfortunately, it’s a lot harder to take such things back. Words leave a mark, regardless of apologies and apparent acceptances of those apologies.

While it’s certainly easier said than done, try to think before you say something spiteful. Ask yourself whether or not you really mean what you are about to say. In most cases, you probably don’t.

4. Attempting to Change Your Partner

There’s nothing wrong with asking your partner to make small changes. If you’re living together, small changes are arguably even necessary.

Attempting to transform your partner into somebody else however is something completely different. It happens to be one of the fastest ways that you can drive somebody away.

Relationships require acceptance. If you can’t accept your partner for who he/she is, chances are you’re not right for each other.

5. Irrational Jealousy

Jealousy is a tricky beast to handle. In small bursts, it’s perfectly normal. In small bursts, it’s even quite flattering. Constant jealousy, paranoia and controlling behavior however, that can spell death for just about any relationship.

When you find yourself getting jealous, don’t just blurt out accusations. Look at the situation carefully and try to determine whether or not the emotions that you are feeling are logical.

If they’re not, try to keep them to yourself. If you feel that you have a right to be jealous, on the other hand, broach the subject with your partner in a calm, non-accusatory fashion.

6. Expecting Too Much, Too Soon

We all fall in love at different rates. Just because you’re planning a life together, that doesn’t mean that your partner is. And contrary to popular belief, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It might just mean that he/she isn’t quite there yet.

Love cannot be rushed. And attempting to do so can kill the spark before it even arrives. Nobody has time to wait forever, but if you’re serious about somebody who isn’t that serious about you, don’t be afraid to be patient.

7. Keeping Things Bottled Up

Arguments aren’t always a bad thing. Humans aren’t perfect and we have a strange habit of irritating each other. Spend enough time in anybody’s company and they are going to make you angry.

When your partner does something that frustrates you, letting them know is actually very much recommended. The alternative is unspoken resentment. And it’s the latter, not the former, that destroys relationships.

8. Forgetting About Romance

During the early days of a relationship, romance tends to occur organically. After a few years however, most people find that it needs a little artificial encouragement.

If you notice that the romance is draining from your relationship, make a conscious effort to change this fact. Grand gestures are not required. Even the occasional date or unexpected gift can make all the difference.

Unfortunately, it’s the lack of such simple things that often leads to relationships slowly falling apart.

About Alex Blackwell
Alex Blackwell is a father, husband and writer.