The other day at a local library book sale I stumbled upon a $1 copy of The Onion Ad Nauseum: Complete News Archives. Needless to say, I bought it—and I’m now convinced that next to the Bible The Onion should be required reading for all Christians. Okay, I’m kidding. But seriously, it’s a great way to find yourself laughing on a weekday morning between making lunches, brushing teeth and scuttling kids out the door.

This morning’s headline read “Father Bitter That Son Has Everything He Never Had,” and the article itself is even funnier. I mean, what sort of brilliance does it take to come up with this stuff?