I didn’t go to church as a kid. In fact, I didn’t believe in God until I was in my 30s. I can only speculate about what might have been better in my life had I grown up in church. Maybe I would have made better decisions in my teens and 20s. Maybe I’d have been more confident and learned to be more comfortable in my own skin. Maybe I wouldn’t have become a single mother with two kids by the time I was 24.
Then again…
As I meet more and more people who grew up in church but have turned from the faith of their childhood, I realize that I might not have the faith I have today if I’d gone to church as a kid. Instead,I might have assumed a faith facade to please priest, pastors or parents and resented it later. I might have been ashamed of my shortcomings and kept them hidden behind a veil of outward perfection. Or I might have learned to blame the church and God when things went wrong in my life, a habit I avoided by having no God to blame.
I’m sure I wouldn’t have done these things because I went to church. Instead, I’d have done them because – nature or nurture – responding this was was part of my character. There is no doubt in my mind that, had I gone to church earlier, I would have brought these defects of character – the self-centeredness, the arrogance, the accolade-seeking, the one-upsmanship – with me into the church environment.
Sure, people might have called me on it. Told me that my actions were bad or wrong- not Christlike if I had landed in a Christian environment. Even worse, they might have seen these defects in me, smiled in my face to keep the peace, and discussed it with their friends behind my back. Either way, I am not sure that merely going to church would have made a difference for me. I’m one of those people (and I don’t think I am unique in this) who can know all of the rules and even want to follow them, but once I apply the “Joan factor” to the equation, a sustained change of behavior frequently eludes me.
I needed more than a set of rules or “this is what Jesus, Buddha, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Bill W, etc” lived like and now you should too. I needed (and continue to need) more than just a blueprint for better living. I needed a radical overhaul of who I was from the inside out. I began that journey in recovery more than a decade ago and continue it as I work out this newer faith in Jesus every day in everything I do, often with mixed results.
What about you. Did you go to church as a kid? Did you stick with it or walk away? Either way, what about personal transformation and character development? Would love to hear your stories.
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