Well, knock me over with a pack of Testamints but apparently some of you didn’t get my “You might be a Christian music fan if…” post.
Well, at least the Jonas Brothers/David Archuleta joke anyway. Most of you probably didn’t even read the rest, you got so riled up thinking I mocked the teen idols or the Mormon faith.
I wasn’t. Honest. I love the Jonas Brothers (poor victims of the mainstream music industry that they are), and David Archuleta is just about the cutest thing going. And shoot, I live about 10 miles from Hill Cumorah. I wasn’t mocking Mormons. But I was mocking some hypocritical Christian music fans.
The joke, for those of you who missed it, was:
You might be a Christian music fan if … you didn’t let your kids listen to the Jonas Brothers, until you found out they were Christians – but you did let your kids listen to David Archuleta, until you found out he was Mormon.
So here’s an explanation, for those of you who still don’t get it … work with me, here, OK? …

Christian music fans, and parents, are very concerned that the music they let their kids listen to is “Christian” or made by a Christian band. The definition of what is or isn’t Christian is arbitrary. Can they buy it in the Christian bookstore? Does the band mention Jesus by name in any of their songs? Do they play the music on secular radio? Are they on MTV? Does their youth pastor listen to it? Does the band call themselves a Christian band?
So they look for what I call the “Jesus fish stamp of approval” – that someone identifies the band as “Christian.” Then it’s OK. That could mean hearing a song on Christian radio. Having a friend at church tell them the band is Christian. Hearing the band mention God on an awards show. The band calling themselves a Christian band, even if you examined their lives and found nothing really Christian.
With me so far?
OK, here are the parts of the joke you need to understand separately so it all makes sense together:
1) The Jonas Brothers started out in Christian music (not that most people know that) but are a huge mainstream success, and they are often identified as “Christian” in the media. But that poses a problem for most Christian parents. Their music doesn’t say “Jesus” at all. But they wear purity rings. Then again, they posed for that sexy cover on Rolling Stone. At some point, every Christian parent with teenage girls has to give a thumbs up or thumbs down to the JoBros. That their album is available at some Christian bookstores is sometimes the deciding factor, or the “Jesus fish stamp of approval.”
2) Most evangelical Christians don’t believe that Mormons are Christians. If you want to debate whether Mormonism is or isn’t a Christian faith, I’m sure there are places where you can do that. But this isn’t one of them. Right now, you just need to concede the fact that most evangelicals don’t think it is.
3) David Archuleta is just about the cutest, sweetest, squeaky-cleanest artist out there, and it’s highly unlikely that you’re going to see him in a sexy pose on any magazine cover.
You got all that?
OK, the basic comic equation is truth+exaggeration (or pain)=funny. Take any joke and you can pretty much plug in that formula. Somewhere there’s a truth that’s exaggerated for a humorous effect.
Now let’s put look at the Jonas/Archuleta joke again:
Many Christian parents wouldn’t let their kids listen to Jonas Brothers because of their mainstream success, that Rolling Stone cover, etc – until they found out they were Christians and wore purity rings. Then they’re OK.
BUT there are Christian parents that don’t let their kids listen to a band that ISN’T Christian, and since the prevailing thought in the evangelical community is that Mormonism isn’t a Christian faith (again, I’m not going to debate whether it is or isn’t) that would put David Archuleta on the not approved list. The fact, like it or not, is that they wouldn’t consider him “Christian music.”
The joke comes from the exaggeration of both truths and the hypocrisy that can come from arbitrary decisions about what is or isn’t “Christian.”
I’m not knocking David Archuleta or even the Jonas Brothers. I’m commenting on the way Christians make decisions using a “Jesus fish stamp of approval”. It’s hypocritical. Christians are often hypocritical. And we look ridiculous when we do stuff like that.
Understand now? All better? See that I’m not mocking David or JoBros or Mormonism?
Of course, now that I’ve had to explain it to you, it isn’t funny.